as if PCOS wasn't quite enough.

Rather than beat around the bush.. I'll get right to the point.  I had a grand mal seizure about two and a half weeks ago.  I'm okay, well.. physically at least as of now.  I don't remember anything about it, just being put in the back of the ambulance and crying when they said 'Do you know what happened?' I could see my mom crying outside the ambulance.  I said shakily, 'no?' They replied simply, 'you had a seizure and we're going to take you to the hospital now.' Oh, perfect. How exciting. Tears just streamed down my face and I wasn't even sure why.  Probably just emotional.  Apparently, I was working on my mom's car (which, I remember) and sitting on a low stool (thank god) and I just started looking up into the sky and smiling.  My mom was inside the car, cleaning it out and asked what I was looking at.  I didn't respond. Then, the partial seizure turned into a full blow convulsion episode.  Like I said, I don't remember anything.  Which, in retrospect is probably for the best I suppose.

Long story a bit shorter, after the hospital I went to see a neurologist.  At the hospital they checked my blood sugar [it was okay], did a catscan [it too, was fine] and checked my blood work in general [WBC count was elevated, typical after a seizure]; EKG fine as well.  The ER Dr put me on Keppra, which I am still on now.

Oh, and he said.. 'oh yeah! No driving.' And discharged me.

A fun fact.  I quit the recovery center job because I was SO over waiting around, about a week before the seizure or so.  It happened on a Saturday at 11:45. I had to be at work EVERY Saturday at noon, I would leave the house at 11:30.  I would have been killed, killed someone or both.  I'm still shaken up about that.  It's not a stretch, either considering when I quit I was scheduled for that Saturday at 12:00.

The neurologist is pleasant enough.  A chubby older man with a jolly disposition.  I went to have an MRI at his request, because MRIs show much, much more in the ways of cancers, lesions, what area of the brain was effected.. that sort of thing.  I always thought catscans were pretty darn accurate and as it turns out, they aren't.  I haven't heard the results of the MRI yet and I'm slightly nervous, but what good is that going to do?  I have an EEG or something like that on the 14th of this month.  I will get the results from the MRI and the EEG on that date.  The EEG is where they stick electrodes on your head and really, really measure your brain waves.  It can also diagnose things even the MRI can't.  So after all this, we will know 100% what's up in there.

Now, I am taking Ultram for my back pain which I requested from my ortho because I didn't want to be on high narcotics like the percocet anymore.  Well, a side effect of the Ultram I noticed after my seizure was: seizures.  More common with ultram than other pain pills.  WTF? I thought it barely had any narcotics in it, at least that was what I was told and why I switched in the first place.  Also, it says: seizure risk is increased in those with metabolic disorders. Now fancy that! Guess what PCOS is? A metabolic disorder. And, no one's caught this? Just me?  I know I am my own advocate for my health and I will undoubtedly look farther into anything than a Dr will for me personally but this crap was in no way difficult to find.  In no way.  Maybe 3-5 minutes of searching.  And, while on the subject of that apparently seizures are common in PCOSers, or at least not uncommon.  As are heart problems? Fantastic.

So, no driving for 3 months.  I'm halfway through that now, so another month and a half.  But, that's only if I'm seizure free for the next couple months.  Apparently, every 3 months (3, 6, and 12ish) you go seizure free the more likely it was a fluke thing, which also isn't uncommon for people between 25-35 years old.  This is also pending they find no reason why I had it upon further inspection of my ol' brain and the MRI results.

Oh, and the Keppra?  It's making me insane.

Hope all is well with you all, Happy Monday? Yeah *&^% today. [purely a side effect of this ****-ass drug Keppra.  I'm severely unmotivated and couldn't care less about anything. I can't wait to get off this crap!!]

But seriously, I do hope you're all doing well.  I will tend to my little corner of the blogosphere more often than I have been.  <3

fertile myrtles everywhere!

This post title was brought on by a fellow PCOS blogger bud's recent post... it's true, too.  Maybe it's a bit like buying a new car.  I bet you never noticed so many of whatever you drive--until after you'd bought it..

 Being faced with fertility issues, I think it's almost instinctual to notice all the pregnant people from you group of close friends, extended friends on ol' Facebook, to strangers on the street.  You want to scowl and maybe throw something at them.  At least I find I do sometimes.  Maybe even run up and kick them (lightly?) in the shins and storm off.  As if it's somehow someone else's fault I have difficulty conceiving.  I know it's irrational, and for the most part I am genuinely happy for those that are currently pregnant or new parents.  I suppose I'm just jealous that I'm not.

I know I shouldn't feel the way I do and that's why I don't say anything (or kick strangers in the shins).  I mentioned on a post (on that same PCOS blogger bud's recent post) earlier that at work this week I had said my stomach hurt and I was just really tired, when a co-worker asked how I was.  There were three people there and one said 'Oh! You must be pregnant!' the second said 'Yeah! You've been married a while.. you should be pregnant!!' the third agreed.  My jaw almost hit the floor. How rude, I thought.  But, was it really? I mean.. I would never say anything like that to anyone. Just not knowing their situation, from situations like mine to maybe just not wanting children.  I can also safely say that even before I knew I had PCOS, I never said things like that.  Maybe my feelings on it have deepened a bit, but even still.. I never pried into personal subjects like that with people, especially people I hardly know. And when I say 'co-workers'.. I mean people I rarely see and/or interact with. Of course I didn't say anything, because I clearly knew they didn't do it maliciously.. but I do wish people would have more sensitivity when talking about things like that.  Half of me wanted to be blatantly honest and laugh and say, 'Oh no.. that's nearly impossible.  I can't have children without assisted reproduction and an endocrinologist.  Besides, I had a miscarriage in December.. so we can't start a cycle until my body recovers from that!' Oy vey.  I just wish people would think sometimes, yanno?

On that note.. that's pretty much it around here.  I know I've said it a million times, but I'm saying it again: I will be on my second month of BC pills since the MC.. starting Thursday.  I will have to get a refill in a couple months, I think.  I want to take time off (a) to see WTF is going on with the store, (b) to give my body 'time' to recover from the MC and to really get used to the Metformin (which should reduce my MC rate dramatically: to that of a 'normal' woman), and (c) I want to lose as much weight as I can.. even if I don't need to lose a ton.  I can't really gain more than 15 pounds when I get pregnant, and I have not... and I mean NOT been on a low carb 'diet.' At all! And I'm supposed to be watching carbs/sugar.  So, I need to get that whole thing on track.. pronto.  I would think about 5 months out from here would be the best time to try again.  My body would be in sync with my PCOS pills, I could lose 25-30 pounds and really work on a lower carb and sugar lifestyle to safeguard against gestational diabetes.  Ugh. No bueno..


Well kiddos.. that's it for now.  I hope this post finds all of you happy and healthy. Ciao!

'follie' check eve!

Yes, on the message boards I've come to find out that eggs/follicles are fondly referred to as 'follies,' and I like that term. It's fun.

So--I've also come to find that I'm not nervous about tomorrow morning. Not at all, actually. I'm pretty calm.  Of course I hope that our eggs are mature, but if they aren't then they will be next month.  You gotta keep the faith, man.  And I have it. :]

Still, keep us in your thoughts tomorrow morning.  This month may or may not be ours, but it sure would be a blessing if it were.

Update manana!

Clomid, Cycle Day 4-CD 8

After getting mildly chewed out by sweet lil' Dr. Chen, I had my ultrasound to check egg development.  Apparently, I should have called her as she would have preferred to start me on Clomid Saturday as opposed to today (Monday).  Lucky for us, Clomid isn't as time specific as the injectable fertility meds are, so we should be just fine. My eggs look fine and dandy, which is nice!

The jist: I will be on a very high dosage of Clomid for 4 days. 150mg daily. Most women start on 50mg daily.  I really love how aggressive she is in fertility.  The way she (and I) sees it, there is no sense in doing 3 or 4 rounds of Clomid at 50 mg increments, why not start at the top? Then you know if it will (or won't) work and what the next step will be if needed.  I do feel for Sebastian though. With higher doses of Clomid, women tend to experience serious mood swings and hot flashes. Good times. ;)

So, I will stop the Clomid CD 8, which is the 29th of October. She suspects I will have a mature egg (or eggs) on November 1st (our anniversary!)--I have an ultrasound appointment on the 1st at 8:30a to check on our lil' eggies.  If/when the egg/s are ready to go, I will then get a 'trigger shot' to release it.  Then I believe the IUI would follow shortly after.  During the egg-check appointment, she will also check my uterine lining.  Clomid can make the lining thin/weak and if it looks to be the case for me, she will start me on a medication to remedy that (can't remember the name, but it's 2x a day).  Hopefully all is well, the less meds the better I'm thinking!

So, transvag ultrasound was fine.  No pain, nothing. Which is great, since I'll have another one a week from now.  We're going away for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary early since it's on a Monday. Kind of doubly exciting seeing as how my uterus and his.. parts... will be on-call the next couple weeks or more.  So it will be nice to have some time to get away and be alone and relax.

It's becoming more and more real to me that we just might be pregnant this time next month. For what a 'process' this has been, it's actually going really, really fast.  We're very excited! :)

Follow-up w/Dr Chen

Today I went in to see Dr Chen to go over my HSG results (and, to throw in a papsmear). I already knew that they were normal (HSG) as the Doctor that performed the test informed me of such right after! But it was nice to see the written report and to hear it from her, and to be able to spend a little more time talking about it. No tumors, both tubes were clear, no defects, no abnormalities involving the uterus or endometrial cavity. Yay? Yay!

Finally got copies of mine and hubby's blood work results.  We knew everything was alright, but again.. nice to go over in detail and to receive copies for our medical files here at home.  No STDs, no AIDS, I'm not a cystic fibrosis carrier, blood sugar is great, immune to chicken pox, I'm type O-Positive (thought it was negative all these years), insulin of course was 25.3 which is high on account of my PCOS.  Hubby just had a 'infertility ID screen'--which isn't as in depth as mine was so there isn't too much to report on, but semen analysis and STD/HIV panel was all perfect. So we've been COMPLETELY cleared to get crackin'. We're totally healthy!

So, remember how I had thought that I was going to have to finish out my BC pills? Well, she said just to do it for another week.. which means, our first cycle of TTC (trying to conceive) is in ..... deeeep breath... 2  and a half weeks there abouts. AHH! I'm so excited/nervous/scared/and more excited than anything.

The technical mumbo jumbo is as follows. Well, infertility isn't considered a 'medical necessity' so 99% of insurances (and all insurances in the state of CA) do not cover any fertility treatments.  I love my RE (reproductive endocrinologist), and her prices are in the normal range. It will cost us about $800.00 per cycle, at least the first cycle (month 1) because we will be using Clomid (cheaper than other options) to induce ovulation. Not cheap, but not as bad as it could be.. I suppose. This includes multiple ultrasounds/office visits--doesn't include the Clomid, though it's cheap @ Walmart pharmacy--and one IUI (intrauterine insemination).  Dr Chen's goal, as well as our goal, is to get this knocked out (and me knocked up!) as quickly as possible; the less cycles the better. A couple few at MOST. We're really praying/hoping this will work on the first cycle. The odds aren't really against us, but they aren't exactly cheering us along and showing us the way, either.  About 25% of the time, Clomid does not work. It's not a small percentage, but it isn't too discouraging. Some women, most actually, their Drs put them on cycle after cycle of Clomid.  Dr Chen and I agreed wholeheartedly that the longer something like this drags out when a medicine clearly isn't working with your body, the harder and more discouraging this will be on you, your husband, your job, your life in general and even your marriage.  An oxymoron, seeing as how you are creating a life and preparing for the happiest time of your lives together.

If the Clomid doesn't work in the first cycle, we will keep everything else the same (multiple ultrasounds/visits, IUI), but instead of the Clomid we will use an injectable ovulation medication: a trigger shot. On both cycles, we will be doing the IUI as well as the ol' fashioned way because Clomid and fertility drugs in general tend to thicken cervical mucus apparently, and makes it harder for sperm to find it's way. With the IUI, obviously, it has no problem getting to the uterus.  We might be successful with or without the IUIs, but in an effort to give ourselves the best odds, we've opted for doing that right from the start. The trigger shot 'package' is just about $1000.00 per cycle, $200 more than the Clomid package. This is the total cost per cycle, so you can see where this could get expensive...REALLY expensive if you weren't aggressive with it and just did cycle after cycle after cycle.

Oh, and since I've met my deductible with our HealthNet PPO/Insurance.. my prescriptions have been free for the last 3 months.  I was using Nature Made prenatal multi's + DHA (200mg of DHA in the vitamin), which were typically $18.99 a bottle. For a months supply. Not too bad, but hey.. if I can get pharmaceutical grade vitamins for free.. why not?! So I asked for a prescription and she said sure, wrote me one, and added that they didn't previously make (in the pharmacy) a prenatal with DHA in it. The ones she prescribed are called CitraNatal90DHA. They come in blister packs in the box and you take two gels a day, that look different so I assume this one doesn't have the DHA in the vitamin, it's separate.  I was just reading the box to get the name and noticed '..Gentle calcium citrate and dual iron, plus a stool softener...' Niiiiice.

I'll keep you updated! Next post will be how great or how not-so-great the new vitamins are. Not thrilled with the 'stool softening' bit on account of my taking Metformin 2x a day. G'head. Google Metformin side effects. You'll figure it out. Apparently, the new vits are amazing, according to Dr Chen and my pharmacist. So we'll see! The post after that one will be.... about... TTC, Cycle 1! Besos!

What's wrong with me?

 I can't remember a time in my life where I felt like a normal girl or young woman.  My period has never been regular. When it first started, sure.. it's normal not to be regular. But that regularity of a monthly period never came. The most regular I ever managed to be was 6 periods a year. About once every two months. I always knew this wasn't right. I saw a doctor when I was about 15 or 16 with my mother and we were told that it was completely normal not to have a regular period for the first few years after getting your period. Life went on. At 18, still knowing something was 'wrong' with me, I battled with the need for getting a pap. I researched it online and decided I was too scared to find an answer to my problems. Was it cancer? My grandmother died of ovarian cancer. I didn't like any of the plausible options I could come up with in my 18 year old head, so I made the decision never to get one.

Finally, at age 26--I had my first pap smear. What had finally spurred my butt into gear was that I had just recently been married and the subject of our eventual offspring came up. Before we even started actively trying to conceive, I knew what I had to do. My Dr said that they would call me in a few days if something came back abnormal. Those were the longest few days of my life. I received a letter in the mail from my Dr's office saying that my results came back completely normal, and to call for another appointment, same time next year. A sigh of relief. I was fine then, right? At this point, I was so uneducated in the field of  female reproduction, I had no idea this was just the first step to many others I would soon have to take.

Now came the next hurdle. I always had this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was going to have difficulty getting pregnant. As I got older, that feeling turned to a certainty that I would never be able to become pregnant. I wasn't even entirely sure why. I knew periods should be normal in a healthy woman, but I had no idea you could still ovulate in the absence of your period, that there were drugs to help you menstruate/ovulate.

Still knowing something was amiss, I turned to the internet. Wow! Why hadn't I done this sooner? Oh yes, that's right.. I was scared to death of what I may find.  Now that I was thinking not only about myself but my new husband, our furbaby Pavi and prospective mini-Garcia's--well now that changed everything.  I needed to find out what was wrong and fix it as soon as humanly possible. This led me to (among other things: many other things) PCOS. I started scrolling through symptoms and darn near swore out loud when I came across the myriad of things that were related to PCOS. No, not just infertility and menstrual irregularities.  Seemingly unrelated things. Weight gain, predominately around your midsection. Check. Irritability and severe mood swings. Check. Hirsuitism. Wait.. I always thought that was because my father was Arabic and it was a dark skinned thing? Check, check. And, as I would later learn, a whole slew of other blood work related things that attributed to my difficulty in losing and maintaining my weight my whole life.

I continued on and became quite the avid internet article reader.  At this point, I knew I needed to see a Dr. A specialist. Someone who could really help me sort through this..