slightly good news?

**man readers, stop here**


I can't be sure, but I think the good ol' miscarriage is happening naturally.  And sooner than suspected, too. I am supposed to go in tomorrow and Wednesday to do the HCG level blood work to make sure my levels are dropping and return to pre-pregnancy levels.  This would mean my body recognized that it was a 'faulty' pregnancy and would take care of it on its own.  So much better than getting the methotrexate injections, IMO.  I'd rather not get injections of chemotherapy drugs, not to mention the fact that one is generally not enough--even though they are at low doses, I'd really rather not have 'em!  My doctor said to call her if I get my period, so I'm going to call in the morning so that I'm sure it's a real period and not just spotting or anything; I'm pretty sure it's heavier than spotting already though.  I know she wanted to put me back on BC pills for another 2-3 months because she didn't want to do another cycle so close to a miscarriage.  I totally agree.  Emotionally and physically, it's definitely better to wait.  I think I'm going to shoot a little closer to our next cycle being in about 6 months or so.  If this whole store purchasing thing goes though (and I REALLY hope it does), even though I could make it work it would be so much less stressful if I wasn't pregnant right off the bat.  Plus, I'm at a somewhat healthy weight currently, but I would really like to work on myself a little bit more so that the pregnancy would be a bit easier on me with all my back problems.

It seems bittersweet to say I'm relieved that this miscarriage is happening.  I'm so, so thankful that it didn't drag on for weeks and weeks as I was warned it might.  And it was still early.  Almost 7 weeks to the day.  The way Sebastian and I look at it, our little guy (yes, we know it will be a boy.. even in the future) was just making a dry run to get warmed up for the real show.  Practice makes perfect!  Let's pray that he only needed one practice round. ;)

On a side note: It's freaking pouring.  And I freaking love the rain.  Yes, yes.. I can say that because I live in Southern CA and it doesn't rain everyday or even heavily every year but it is really nice to listen to.  Also a great excuse to cuddle up on the couch and eat soup for dinner.  Which, we of course did.  Oh! I also trained Sebastian a bit at the store so he can know what to do when/if we buy it.  Dang! I mean, I knew he'd have no problem catching on but he really caught on--and then some! He's even remembering client's names and asking them how they are doing.  I was very impressed.  We're going to make a great team when it comes to working together at the store.  We're already a great team in every other aspect of our relationship! Now I see why he's been moved up so many times at his work, and why it's been so fast, too.  Because he's amazing! And very smart. How lucky am I? I love you honey!!

blood tests!

Hey all! So I called Dr Chen today, since I completely forgot to call her on Thanksgiving. Oh well! She was excited... well, Tiffany the girl at the front was excited and I just assume the Dr was, too. The hcg level blood tests need to be done one day apart apparently, so since the lab is closed Sunday I'll be going in Saturday and Monday for my testing and she will call me with the results.  If the results are good, then we'll get our first fetal ultrasound next week!  No heartbeat (audible at least) until 9 weeks, I think.. and next week will be my 5th week, so a few more weeks until the heartbeat can be heard.

Work was brutal today.  And on Thanksgiving, too.  I know you're sick of hearing how ridiculously tired I am.. but crap! I almost fell asleep today. Yesterday was a bit easier since I made Sebastian go along with me.  I like the clients that are there now.  I make a couple of them hang out with me in the store for some company.  I seriously need to invest in a TV, like.. 2 weeks ago.  I know TV rots your brain, but it makes the time pass so much faster.  Maybe some books or books on tape (or iPod).

As you've guessed I'm sure, I'm off to bed.  Updates tomorrow!!

day 11 of 2WW

Today was my uncle's memorial.  It was absolutely beautiful.  Tears were shed by all at some point during the service, myself included through most of it actually.  All in all a success as far as these things go, I suppose.  :)

We just got home not too long ago.  I'd say Pavi and Avis (our furbabies) missed us, but I'm not sure that would be entirely true.  Pavi was in good company with our friend Jenna, and Avis woke up when we got home and wanted to be fed.  It's been freezing all day.  I think LA had a high of 50-something.  But it's windy and feels like 40 at the most.  We were in Riverside much of the day, but I think the temperature is about the same in both places.  The snow level dropped to about 3000 feet, so the drive out was awesome. Every mountain range from our house to Riverside was snow capped or at least thoroughly dusted.


As you might've guessed--we are exhausted, as usual.  At least the past week I haven't seemed to be able to get nearly enough sleep to get through the day for whatever reason.  At least Sebastian agrees with me this time.  Plus, I did all the driving though it was only a little over an hour each way.  Driving is somewhat draining to me though! Especially the road back.  


Well! Hard to believe tomorrow will be day 12!! Basically, just a few more days.  I'm excited! That's all for now; night night!!

day 4 of 2WW

Yesterday, the man and I were thinking of squeezing a matinee movie in before I had to go to work.  Of course, the show times were not accommodating.  So I looked online for Sunday movie times and noticed they are doing $6.00 movies from 6:00a-11:00a.  Holy wow!! We're talking half price movies. Yes, tickets for 3D shows go up to $16 a piece during primetime (plus $1 service fee if you buy online, which you should do to guarantee a spot if it's a new one)! So instead of going to the movies yesterday, we ran to the mall instead and purchased tickets for the Sunday (11:00a) showing of Morning Glory.  As far as predictable movies go, it was really cute. At least totally worth the $12 we paid to get in.  After we purchased our tickets on Saturday, we traipsed around the baby/maternity section of the mall. Yes, they have a 'wing' in the mall dedicated to all that jazz.  Of course, my favorite store is still Janie and Jack and I believe it always will be. Will I ever be able to afford anything there? Not likely. But man... their clothes are way to cute.

We had visitation from about 3:30-6:30 at work today.  Got a couple new clients in, too.  Time went by super quick at work on account of all the visitors keeping me pretty busy.  I ate my first meal from the kitchen (5 months later)--I had been scared up until tonight. I... was... starving.  I have heard nothing but horror stories or really great reviews, so I was a little nervous to try it. Carbo overload. I ended up just eating the chicken, cauliflower and some carrots and ranch dip.  My meal was served with (I kid you not) about a pound of potato salad, of which I had a bite of.  I have to say, according to a staff member the 'crappy cook' was in tonight and I found the food decent enough! Hell, it's free.  It would have to be pretty terrible for free food to be a no-go for me.  When I got home, I fixed my home version of a fast food meal (for Sebastian, not me), harnessed up the pup and took him and the hubby on a brisk 30 minute stroll.  It was refreshing.  We haven't done that since we moved and it was long overdue.  I forgot how much a walk helps me to unwind. 


I've been reading that What to Expect When You're Expecting shenanigans and I'm on month 2 of pregnancy.  I feel like when we finally get pregnant I will be an expert on nipple changes and lube ducts (also on your nipples). Seriously. This lady talks about large areolas and nipple changes at least 2 out of every 5 pages. No joke. In all honesty, I feel at least more informed than I was to begin with when we started on our journey of TTC.  Some things in the book as I've mentioned previously are a little overboard for me, but there really is quite a bit in it (so far) that I didn't know.  


I'm not sure if I've ever said anything about this, but I was googling two week wait and very early pregnancy symptoms and of course, I feel as though I have every single one of the symptoms.  Apparently, implantation can happen as early as 6 days after ovulation and as long as 12 days past ovulation.  The norm is about 9 days.  Realistically, I can't possibly be having any of these symptoms.  I used to think it was really nice having the ability (if we conceive this cycle) to know exactly when we conceived, but now I'm not so sure! It would be so much nicer just missing my perfectly timed, never late period (ha!) by a few days, testing and getting a big fat positive result.  ;)

I hope what I'm getting in regards to 'symptoms' is anything but my period coming.  Crappily (yes, it's now a word), I've noticed period symptoms and early pregnancy symptoms are extremely similar if not just downright identical. My back has been sore, but I have back problems and have had 3 surgeries so I suppose it happens occasionally.  I'm very, very tired.  Nix that. More like exhausted. But, I've also been working 7 days a week, 2 times a day and doing a lot of driving on top of my tons of driving.  I get up early and get home after a normal dinner time.  So that could very well have something to do with that.  The only thing I can't explain away is the nausea.  Now, I know it's possibly way to early for that symptom but... nausea is something I never, ever have.  I'm nauseous whenever I eat or am preparing food to eat,  It revolves mostly around food, actually.  When I woke up this morning I was sick to my stomach and food had nothing to do with it.  Right now my stomach is doing somersaults... slowly. 


That much I know is not in my head! Sure, there could be another reason and there probably is.. but a girl can dream, right? Probably the first and last time in my life I'm wishing for more nausea.


Night kids, got to get to bed. 

'follie' check eve!

Yes, on the message boards I've come to find out that eggs/follicles are fondly referred to as 'follies,' and I like that term. It's fun.

So--I've also come to find that I'm not nervous about tomorrow morning. Not at all, actually. I'm pretty calm.  Of course I hope that our eggs are mature, but if they aren't then they will be next month.  You gotta keep the faith, man.  And I have it. :]

Still, keep us in your thoughts tomorrow morning.  This month may or may not be ours, but it sure would be a blessing if it were.

Update manana!

Follow-up w/Dr Chen

Today I went in to see Dr Chen to go over my HSG results (and, to throw in a papsmear). I already knew that they were normal (HSG) as the Doctor that performed the test informed me of such right after! But it was nice to see the written report and to hear it from her, and to be able to spend a little more time talking about it. No tumors, both tubes were clear, no defects, no abnormalities involving the uterus or endometrial cavity. Yay? Yay!

Finally got copies of mine and hubby's blood work results.  We knew everything was alright, but again.. nice to go over in detail and to receive copies for our medical files here at home.  No STDs, no AIDS, I'm not a cystic fibrosis carrier, blood sugar is great, immune to chicken pox, I'm type O-Positive (thought it was negative all these years), insulin of course was 25.3 which is high on account of my PCOS.  Hubby just had a 'infertility ID screen'--which isn't as in depth as mine was so there isn't too much to report on, but semen analysis and STD/HIV panel was all perfect. So we've been COMPLETELY cleared to get crackin'. We're totally healthy!

So, remember how I had thought that I was going to have to finish out my BC pills? Well, she said just to do it for another week.. which means, our first cycle of TTC (trying to conceive) is in ..... deeeep breath... 2  and a half weeks there abouts. AHH! I'm so excited/nervous/scared/and more excited than anything.

The technical mumbo jumbo is as follows. Well, infertility isn't considered a 'medical necessity' so 99% of insurances (and all insurances in the state of CA) do not cover any fertility treatments.  I love my RE (reproductive endocrinologist), and her prices are in the normal range. It will cost us about $800.00 per cycle, at least the first cycle (month 1) because we will be using Clomid (cheaper than other options) to induce ovulation. Not cheap, but not as bad as it could be.. I suppose. This includes multiple ultrasounds/office visits--doesn't include the Clomid, though it's cheap @ Walmart pharmacy--and one IUI (intrauterine insemination).  Dr Chen's goal, as well as our goal, is to get this knocked out (and me knocked up!) as quickly as possible; the less cycles the better. A couple few at MOST. We're really praying/hoping this will work on the first cycle. The odds aren't really against us, but they aren't exactly cheering us along and showing us the way, either.  About 25% of the time, Clomid does not work. It's not a small percentage, but it isn't too discouraging. Some women, most actually, their Drs put them on cycle after cycle of Clomid.  Dr Chen and I agreed wholeheartedly that the longer something like this drags out when a medicine clearly isn't working with your body, the harder and more discouraging this will be on you, your husband, your job, your life in general and even your marriage.  An oxymoron, seeing as how you are creating a life and preparing for the happiest time of your lives together.

If the Clomid doesn't work in the first cycle, we will keep everything else the same (multiple ultrasounds/visits, IUI), but instead of the Clomid we will use an injectable ovulation medication: a trigger shot. On both cycles, we will be doing the IUI as well as the ol' fashioned way because Clomid and fertility drugs in general tend to thicken cervical mucus apparently, and makes it harder for sperm to find it's way. With the IUI, obviously, it has no problem getting to the uterus.  We might be successful with or without the IUIs, but in an effort to give ourselves the best odds, we've opted for doing that right from the start. The trigger shot 'package' is just about $1000.00 per cycle, $200 more than the Clomid package. This is the total cost per cycle, so you can see where this could get expensive...REALLY expensive if you weren't aggressive with it and just did cycle after cycle after cycle.

Oh, and since I've met my deductible with our HealthNet PPO/Insurance.. my prescriptions have been free for the last 3 months.  I was using Nature Made prenatal multi's + DHA (200mg of DHA in the vitamin), which were typically $18.99 a bottle. For a months supply. Not too bad, but hey.. if I can get pharmaceutical grade vitamins for free.. why not?! So I asked for a prescription and she said sure, wrote me one, and added that they didn't previously make (in the pharmacy) a prenatal with DHA in it. The ones she prescribed are called CitraNatal90DHA. They come in blister packs in the box and you take two gels a day, that look different so I assume this one doesn't have the DHA in the vitamin, it's separate.  I was just reading the box to get the name and noticed '..Gentle calcium citrate and dual iron, plus a stool softener...' Niiiiice.

I'll keep you updated! Next post will be how great or how not-so-great the new vitamins are. Not thrilled with the 'stool softening' bit on account of my taking Metformin 2x a day. G'head. Google Metformin side effects. You'll figure it out. Apparently, the new vits are amazing, according to Dr Chen and my pharmacist. So we'll see! The post after that one will be.... about... TTC, Cycle 1! Besos!

Mission HSG COMPLETE!

So! The dreaded HSG... not so bad!! What a sigh of relief! I had myself worked up over something that turned out to be much less painful than I ever anticipated.

 I had this nerve testing done once, I had made the mistake of looking online and seeing others reactions to the test: ALL negative. In fact, just like the HSG, the most common response, and I quote, was: I WILL NEVER, EVER have this test done again! And, I wholeheartedly agreed with that statement for the nerve testing. I was in tears. Not sobbing, just tears flowing freely down my face. It was terrible, terrible pain.

When I 'researched' the HSG, I went online and watched hours of youtube videos of women, also in tears, saying just how terrible the HSG was. I almost cried watching!! I knew I had to do it, but man.. did I want to? HECK no, I didn't.  A friend of mine said "Just remember what you're doing this FOR. Don't lose sight of that." And, honestly.. that's the only thing that got me in there. I have terrible anxiety, and I worked myself into a frenzy over this thing.

I do have a high tolerance for pain. But, it wasn't painful at all. It was uncomfortable. At times, pretty uncomfortable. That second statement is only true because apparently my uterus isn't tilted, but it's hard to get ahold of. It's aimed slightly backward. Dang uterus. So it was the searching for my uterus that was the most uncomfortable, not the filling of it.

I did it! It's done. I have an appointment to see Dr. Chen next Tuesday.  I have been on birth control pills to regulate my absent period for 1 month, just started the first week of my second pack. I believe I have 1 or two refills left on it, but I'm not entirely sure how long she wants me on them. Who knows! I could start Clomid and injections next week! Wishful thinking, I'm sure.. but.. :)