Since we're not TTC and I'm pretty much over everything baby related (for the time being)--I haven't blogged much. But, TTC isn't the only thing going on worth blogging about in my life, right? So what gives? Well, as we all know and we're all sick of hearing (myself included), store drama has left my mind, my wits and my patience pretty much fried. I will have to go over my last post about the store but if my memory serves me well (it rarely does), I'm sure that I went over everything again... in great detail. So, my mom and DH keep asking 'have you heard anything?' in regards to the store and of course the answer is, as always: No. Nothing. Nada. I finally caved and late last week I wrote a letter to M (the owner of the rehab facility)--a very well written letter, at that. And I don't mean my writing style or grammar, I mean it was so tactfully written and re-written that it seems innocent enough of a letter. Basically, again as I'm sure I've mentioned, the current loser owner of the store (R) has been stringing me along (duh) for months and what R has said of M has been less than credible in my eyes mostly just because R instills zero confidence in me and I trust nothing he says or does. So! In an effort to get this shit over and done with and get R to get the eff out of my store, I wrote a letter to M that hinted at things and some bullet points of what I would do if/when the store was mine. I never once mentioned R's name or how he runs (or doesn't run in this case) the store. I never once mentioned anything negative. In fact, the whole letter was completely positive and went on to say that I was very excited to be considered for the role of the store owner in the (*rehab name*) family. Oh, and btw.. I know it's terribly annoying and ridiculous that I have to abbreviate everyone's name in regards to the rehab and can't technically even say the name of the actual facility. I just want to make doubly sure that everything remains quiet, since it is AA, NA, etc.. and I can't legally call anyone out. Plus, there is enough drama (BELIEVE ME)--I don't need to make it worse by having my blog pop up when someone types in M's rehab establishment. Yeah, that would be a disaster. I was planning on C&P'ing the letter I wrote, but there are so many literal references to the place and all that mumbo jumbo, that I think it best to just throw out a couple paragraphs:
'.. I have plans for the ____ store. They aren't overly drastic, but they are changes that I feel would be beneficial if implemented in the future of the store. I plan to open the store regularly from morning to night--with the exception of being closed during the clients' meetings/groups as required by ____ regulations. With daily hours in place, I feel the clients would be able to depend on the store and would be more apt to shop in-house as opposed to having family bring the things we already sell at the store. Along with more guarenteed hours, I think it would be in the store's best interest to offer more merchandise in general. From shampoos, deoferant and shower shoes to more of a variety in foodstuffs (granolas, fruits, frozen foods, etc). I also plan on lowering the prices to accomodate all budgets so that it's not only more convenient to shop the ____ Store, it's also more economical. I think with the price reduction, the store's overall business would increase and we would make up profits in volume. It's a small detail, but I would also like to make flyers with the stores hours, all of my contact information (or business card attached), other store details such as products offered, special order request guidlines and things of the like to give to new clients so they know what to expect and can take advantage of the store's offerings. Another small detail often overlooked would be a comment box. ____ clients are our only customers. They need to be happy and feel their suggestions, opinions and comments are heard. There is always room for improvement and plenty of things we hadn't thought of carrying in the store before. Who better to ask than those that are spending their time and money in the store?'
Another paragraph... then the closing paragraph:
'... I want nothing more than for your decision of who runs the store in the future to be an easy one for you and your family, one that you feel confident in with no regrets. If I've left anything out that would help make this decision easier on you, or you simply have a few questions for me, please don't hesitate to call or visit me in the store!
Best,
(name, address, numbers, email)
first excerpt de-coded:
The store is currently opened very, and I do mean very randomly. Typically, like you all know, 2 hours total a day. 12-1 and again from 5-6. Considering also that they have lunch from 12-1230 and dinner from 5-530 that leaves them 30 minutes, 2x a day to shop. Brilliant! I should also add that this is very, very unusual. The store used to be open with all previous owners (and even R up until the past 6 months) 3x a day for at least 3 hours at a time. At least. So, first point goes to me, for stating REGULAR business hours that would also be posted (they are currently not posted at all) in a flyer which would hold the store accountable for those posted hours.
My statement of '... I feel the clients would be able to depend on the store...' is a huge deal, too. The word on the streets (aka, the rehab) is the clients hate, hate, haaaate the store. At a time that they are truly in need of some stability (and let's face it, a constant supply of cigarettes, ice cream and candy).. they have none. Stability is a huge deal in this strange little field. So we have guaranteed hours: check. The variety of food is also key, since I've seen M waltz into the store and stare blankly at the empty shelves and comment on how there was no variety, how he was diabetic and couldn't eat any of this 'crap.' So, I was sneaky and threw in the variety of food. Ha!
And lastly... the prices. Ohhhh, the prices. Since I've been there (5 months or so), cigarettes have gone from $7 a pack (at the time, he paid $4 including tax per pack) to $8.75 a pack (he now pays just under $5 a pack, including tax). A cup of noodles is $1.50. You know, the ones that are quite literally ten cents at the grocery store? Yeah.. $1.50. Sodas are $1 which doesn't seem terrible until you realize the vending machines at the Center are all .75 a soda. Candy is typically $1 and it's .75 in the vending machine. So, usually the clients will come in and take their money off the books (you can't really carry $$ on you there, so they keep it in the safe in the office or on the store 'books') and go buy crap out of the machines because it's cheaper. How stupid! Why are we competing with vending machines? We'd make a killing if we were just the same price-wise and open daily. But I digress. The comment box bit is because R has blatantly refused to carry what people request--even if plenty of people request the same thing. He hates listening to the clients and calls the 'whiney' all... the... time. Which is awful, IMO. The contact info bit is because no matter who calls, R never answers his phone. In fact, in the rehab directory--my name has recently replaced his. A detail M would never know, but still makes me feel good.. unless I'm called at 11:00p because R was supposed to work (told me to take the day off)... and didn't show up. Which has happened twice in the past week.
I'll wrap this up!
second excerpt de-coded
Of course I have asked around about M, since he's so elusive. And of course, I've asked only the few people that I trust and that have been there since the center opened. M is a typical man (sorry boys) and likes to feel he is calling the shots even if he isn't. He is big on family (in fact, it's family owned and mostly family in all the key positions). So that was my reasoning with the statement on making the decision on him and his family easy and making sure it's the right one. Lastly, the whole purpose behind the letter was to let him know that the preverbial ball was in his court. Which, according to R... that's the hangup. M wanted to wait until after the new year to talk about the store. I personally think that sounds absurd. If someone doesn't want to be there (R) and you have someone willing, ready and chomping at the bit to make the store better than ever before, why would you wait? Plus, remember when I said M came in that day 2-3 weeks ago and said 'Welcome aboard! Great to have you... I just need to see your business license and then we're good to go.'??? So yeah.. I think my letter rocks. I'm expecting and half-hoping for him to call or stop by and say 'I got your letter... and thank you. It helped me get to know you a bit better and to see your goals on paper... But, I thought it was already decided and I was just waiting on your business license?..'
And then I could look confused and go on about how R had said that M wanted to wait, etc etc. Mwahahha---ha.
At least that's what's going on in my head. Let's see if it pans out. I gave the letter to M or to M's assistant on Friday, which I know.. I know.. was New Years Eve. I knew he wasn't there. Nor would he be there over the weekend, and since the man has little to no schedule over there.. who the eff knows when he'll even get the letter. Or if he will, depending on how long it sits around in that office with inquiring minds lurking about. But! I will be following up with him on Friday, even if it means I have to call and make an appointment.
Sorry so long.. maybe if I wrote more often.. they wouldn't have to be so painfully long and hard to get through.. ;)
About Me
- fallon judith
- I'm happily married to my best friend. As you can see in my 'interests' I'm an outdoorsy kind of girl. I'd rather go camping than stay at a fancy hotel. I love to fish but haven't been in years. I've found I love to blog, too. It's both an outlet for my own personal sanity, plus if it can help even one woman cope with their PCOS--I'm thrilled!
1.04.2011
12.16.2010
store crap.
So today was painful. As I know you're sick of hearing, I've had it up to here with this buying the store, not buying the store mumbo jumbo from the current owner. I gave them a deadline of this Friday with a meeting we were scheduling for today. He came in to get a list of supplies to go buy before he went to the store.. and he brought up the sale of the store right then and there. Which caught me off guard as I figured he'd want his wife there, too.
Anyway--his words, and I quote, 'Hey.. regarding the store: it's a go. As in, like, today.. or tomorrow. I'm ready. I just need to talk to _______ (the owner of the facility, we will call him M from now on).' I'm sure my brows rose and my eyes widened. I replied with a 'Sure.. sounds great..' because as always, I'm not letting his words get my hopes up when his words are meaningless to me these days.
No sooner had I finished my sentence, and he was on his way out the door saying he'd be right back after talking with M. I think I audibly uttered a 'wow...' At the same time, my skepticism of him got the best of me while he was gone all of 15 minutes. 'Yeah, right.. ' I thought. 'He's just outside smoking a cigarette... I know it.. what a douche.' In the minutes he was gone talking with M, I was thinking about how I was going to tell him that once we sit down with M, however brief, go over rent and my ownership of the store, have R (current owner) sign some informal paperwork---then the money would exchange hands from myself to R.
When he returned, he said it had gone well. That he had told M he just couldn't swing a profit with the store because he was out of town, had other business to attend to and couldn't pay someone to be here all the time (yours truly), and that he had decided it was time to move on. Apparently, M had agreed and said that he just needed to see my business license (which is fine, and to be expected) and we could go from there. Still doubtful, I just nodded, smiled and said 'Great!' And low and behold, who comes bounding into the store, breathless and bug eyed as he usually scampers by daily? M...!? He says, 'Hey.. yeah, so R talked to me and said you're going to be taking over the store here soon and I just wanted to let you know we talked, everything is great and we're glad to have you,' while extending a hand for that business deal sealing man-thing. 'I just need to see your business license.'
Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit. No kidding? Wow. I must've looked stunned. I shook his hand, and said 'Yes, of course.. I will get that to you ASAP.. Thank you very much! I'm so excited to be here and to be a part of the team.' With that, he was gone and back to his cave of an office. Now I was convinced. I called the hubby and mom.
BUT.. oh yes.. there's always a big, fat BUT(T) somewhere in the saga of this store buying nonsense, isn't there?
When I get back at 3:30p for the second shift, R is there finishing up delivering the supplies. I say hi. He says.. 'Yeah.. so I got an email from M's sister..' So? Why would I care? I didn't say this, but I thought it. He says, 'All it said was: We need to talk. I will call you tomorrow.' Fantastic... who is this sister? Either way.. she doesn't sound thrilled about something. R proceeds to tell me about how the sister is somewhat of a silent partner in the business and when he first started the store in his name, he had an 'interview' with M and then the final interview (clearly the approval interview; the one that counts) with the sister. Super.
I will wrap this up quick like. Even though R and myself have been talking about this for months, literally months, today was the first day he mentioned it to M. So believe me, I do understand the apprehension. And, if the sister is a big part in the decision making process I can also understand her frustration with both M and R on not being included in the decision. After all, I've never even met the woman. Who also happens to be a prominent LA attorney. In the papers, in books.. the whole bit. So naturally, she wants to know everything about me and my intentions with this place: All understandable. Does this make me any less pissed the ____ off? Um.. no. Because, no matter how you look at this I've been jerked back and forth countless times and I'm sick and tired of the bullshit to be frank. All of this falls on R as far as I'm concerned. He should have taken the initiative and spoken to M the second he told me he was interested in selling and that he was selling to me (3 months ago), so that this wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone involved. I know M and his sister are very selective with staff and therefor with the store owner as well, but I also know that M knows me well enough as I have been there 7 days a week for the past 4 months, give or take. So if they're 'okay' with the sale, there is no doubt they are 'okay' with me since they have had nothing but compliments in regards to me. So he's told me. That's a huge plus. It's just this sister that I'm nervous about. M had the administrator call R later in the day (because M has no balls, apparently) to tell R that this was all a lot to take in and that M had jumped the gun on approving the whole thing, but not involving his sister and that after the holidays we would revisit the sale and go from there.
*$#!@*&^!!! Am I right?! Maaan. I suppose I'll stick it out. It's silly not to. And in the meantime, it's not like I'm not getting paid to be there and I honestly enjoy helping the clients and the interaction with them. It's really them I'm there for. And maybe myself, indirectly. I can't tell you how many people have come into the store to talk to me, unload their problems and seek my advice. And a few girls that come in crying because they know I'll give them a hug and tell them everything will work itself out just fine. And it will. I love the feeling of making a difference, no matter how small.. in a person's life. It's very rewarding work and it helps me appreciate my life and those in it even more.
On that note.. positive vibes, people. Positive sell-me-your-friggen-store-vibes. Send 'em my way.
Anyway--his words, and I quote, 'Hey.. regarding the store: it's a go. As in, like, today.. or tomorrow. I'm ready. I just need to talk to _______ (the owner of the facility, we will call him M from now on).' I'm sure my brows rose and my eyes widened. I replied with a 'Sure.. sounds great..' because as always, I'm not letting his words get my hopes up when his words are meaningless to me these days.
No sooner had I finished my sentence, and he was on his way out the door saying he'd be right back after talking with M. I think I audibly uttered a 'wow...' At the same time, my skepticism of him got the best of me while he was gone all of 15 minutes. 'Yeah, right.. ' I thought. 'He's just outside smoking a cigarette... I know it.. what a douche.' In the minutes he was gone talking with M, I was thinking about how I was going to tell him that once we sit down with M, however brief, go over rent and my ownership of the store, have R (current owner) sign some informal paperwork---then the money would exchange hands from myself to R.
When he returned, he said it had gone well. That he had told M he just couldn't swing a profit with the store because he was out of town, had other business to attend to and couldn't pay someone to be here all the time (yours truly), and that he had decided it was time to move on. Apparently, M had agreed and said that he just needed to see my business license (which is fine, and to be expected) and we could go from there. Still doubtful, I just nodded, smiled and said 'Great!' And low and behold, who comes bounding into the store, breathless and bug eyed as he usually scampers by daily? M...!? He says, 'Hey.. yeah, so R talked to me and said you're going to be taking over the store here soon and I just wanted to let you know we talked, everything is great and we're glad to have you,' while extending a hand for that business deal sealing man-thing. 'I just need to see your business license.'
Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit. No kidding? Wow. I must've looked stunned. I shook his hand, and said 'Yes, of course.. I will get that to you ASAP.. Thank you very much! I'm so excited to be here and to be a part of the team.' With that, he was gone and back to his cave of an office. Now I was convinced. I called the hubby and mom.
BUT.. oh yes.. there's always a big, fat BUT(T) somewhere in the saga of this store buying nonsense, isn't there?
When I get back at 3:30p for the second shift, R is there finishing up delivering the supplies. I say hi. He says.. 'Yeah.. so I got an email from M's sister..' So? Why would I care? I didn't say this, but I thought it. He says, 'All it said was: We need to talk. I will call you tomorrow.' Fantastic... who is this sister? Either way.. she doesn't sound thrilled about something. R proceeds to tell me about how the sister is somewhat of a silent partner in the business and when he first started the store in his name, he had an 'interview' with M and then the final interview (clearly the approval interview; the one that counts) with the sister. Super.
I will wrap this up quick like. Even though R and myself have been talking about this for months, literally months, today was the first day he mentioned it to M. So believe me, I do understand the apprehension. And, if the sister is a big part in the decision making process I can also understand her frustration with both M and R on not being included in the decision. After all, I've never even met the woman. Who also happens to be a prominent LA attorney. In the papers, in books.. the whole bit. So naturally, she wants to know everything about me and my intentions with this place: All understandable. Does this make me any less pissed the ____ off? Um.. no. Because, no matter how you look at this I've been jerked back and forth countless times and I'm sick and tired of the bullshit to be frank. All of this falls on R as far as I'm concerned. He should have taken the initiative and spoken to M the second he told me he was interested in selling and that he was selling to me (3 months ago), so that this wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone involved. I know M and his sister are very selective with staff and therefor with the store owner as well, but I also know that M knows me well enough as I have been there 7 days a week for the past 4 months, give or take. So if they're 'okay' with the sale, there is no doubt they are 'okay' with me since they have had nothing but compliments in regards to me. So he's told me. That's a huge plus. It's just this sister that I'm nervous about. M had the administrator call R later in the day (because M has no balls, apparently) to tell R that this was all a lot to take in and that M had jumped the gun on approving the whole thing, but not involving his sister and that after the holidays we would revisit the sale and go from there.
*$#!@*&^!!! Am I right?! Maaan. I suppose I'll stick it out. It's silly not to. And in the meantime, it's not like I'm not getting paid to be there and I honestly enjoy helping the clients and the interaction with them. It's really them I'm there for. And maybe myself, indirectly. I can't tell you how many people have come into the store to talk to me, unload their problems and seek my advice. And a few girls that come in crying because they know I'll give them a hug and tell them everything will work itself out just fine. And it will. I love the feeling of making a difference, no matter how small.. in a person's life. It's very rewarding work and it helps me appreciate my life and those in it even more.
On that note.. positive vibes, people. Positive sell-me-your-friggen-store-vibes. Send 'em my way.
12.09.2010
next cycle.
It was strange. I hadn't felt like we lost anything until my Dr appointment. My Dr came in in do initiate my date with 'Wandy' (thanks, BtB!) but first wanted to say she was sorry for our loss and that it's hard to know why we lose pregnancies and so on. I hadn't really referred to the miscarriage as a loss. I'm not entirely sure why, either. Probably because I knew it was a possibility, maybe even that it was likely it wasn't going to pan out the way we wanted. Maybe I was just being a little clinical like I'm known for in all aspects. I'm just to scientific and factual when it comes to things. I wish I weren't, but I am.
Anyway. I thought I was going to cry when she started with the sad faces, touching my knee sweetly, and melancholy tone of 'loss.' Thankfully, the pregnancy hormones had subsided by then. Otherwise I would have been bawling, or screaming.. or who knows, maybe even angry! With this PCOS thing for me personally, I don't have an excess of testosterone more so a lack of any estrogen and female hormones. Which would explain my lifelong calm demeanor and my 'even' attitude--for the most part. Basically, I'm not at all used to my emotions getting the best of me or even having a bearing on how I act like I feel. It's been hell with the birth control pills, too. I'm actually getting a period, so I'm actually getting outwardly emotional. I guess I feel like a real girl, which is kind of scary. Sometimes I wonder if Sebastian will get freaked out and run away! ;)
Well, I think that's about it for today. Oh! Wait.. actually, I forgot to say what the title of this post implies. What's happening for the next cycle. Like I've mentioned a million times (or at least 2 or 3), we are planning on waiting closer to the 6 month mark to try again. My Dr said to give it 2 months on BC pills and to wait for my period the next month, so essentially: 3 months from now. And this round we are supposed to do a fertility injection meds 'booster' shot before I start my Clomid in hopes to produce more than 1 egg. The only thing that scares me a little (okay, more like.. scares me to death) is the fact we did get pregnant our first cycle with the Clomid alone, it was just unsuccessful. You only need one egg, and we only had the one and it was fertilized. What happens if we have 3 or 5 mature eggs? I know that broadens our chances, but from the looks of this cycle, I'm the PCOSer that just doesn't ovulate, I seem to have no problems at least getting pregnant (tidbit: 1 in 5 normal pregnancies result in miscarriage. PCOS brings it to 3. I'm on metformin so that lowers my risk to that of a normal woman, 1 in 5).
I cannot have triplets.
Period. It can't happen. I don't want triplets--at all. Then again, who does? The twins--I know this is a possibility, and I think I can do the twins.. it will be a struggle, no doubt. But I think I can manage that. I really want 1. But, I suppose that's idealistic. I'm thinking of telling her when the time comes that I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of having 5 mature eggs when the 1 was fertilized last cycle. What if all 5 are? Just kill me. I can't even think of that.
So what do you guys think? Like I've said, I trust my Dr completely. If she thinks this is the way we'll have a successful pregnancy, then I think so as well. I just have a gut feeling that we should try once more with just the Clomid and see where it takes us. The same thing could happen, just get one egg and there could be something wrong with that egg like this last one... but, if it did happen the next cycle (another MC) and she said that the more eggs we have, the more chances they will survive--I would do the injections. I just feel like the clomid worked, my egg didn't.. not the drugs. And if my chances of having 2930824 babies is lower with just the Clomid--I think I like that.
Thoughts?
Anyway. I thought I was going to cry when she started with the sad faces, touching my knee sweetly, and melancholy tone of 'loss.' Thankfully, the pregnancy hormones had subsided by then. Otherwise I would have been bawling, or screaming.. or who knows, maybe even angry! With this PCOS thing for me personally, I don't have an excess of testosterone more so a lack of any estrogen and female hormones. Which would explain my lifelong calm demeanor and my 'even' attitude--for the most part. Basically, I'm not at all used to my emotions getting the best of me or even having a bearing on how I act like I feel. It's been hell with the birth control pills, too. I'm actually getting a period, so I'm actually getting outwardly emotional. I guess I feel like a real girl, which is kind of scary. Sometimes I wonder if Sebastian will get freaked out and run away! ;)
Well, I think that's about it for today. Oh! Wait.. actually, I forgot to say what the title of this post implies. What's happening for the next cycle. Like I've mentioned a million times (or at least 2 or 3), we are planning on waiting closer to the 6 month mark to try again. My Dr said to give it 2 months on BC pills and to wait for my period the next month, so essentially: 3 months from now. And this round we are supposed to do a fertility injection meds 'booster' shot before I start my Clomid in hopes to produce more than 1 egg. The only thing that scares me a little (okay, more like.. scares me to death) is the fact we did get pregnant our first cycle with the Clomid alone, it was just unsuccessful. You only need one egg, and we only had the one and it was fertilized. What happens if we have 3 or 5 mature eggs? I know that broadens our chances, but from the looks of this cycle, I'm the PCOSer that just doesn't ovulate, I seem to have no problems at least getting pregnant (tidbit: 1 in 5 normal pregnancies result in miscarriage. PCOS brings it to 3. I'm on metformin so that lowers my risk to that of a normal woman, 1 in 5).
I cannot have triplets.
Period. It can't happen. I don't want triplets--at all. Then again, who does? The twins--I know this is a possibility, and I think I can do the twins.. it will be a struggle, no doubt. But I think I can manage that. I really want 1. But, I suppose that's idealistic. I'm thinking of telling her when the time comes that I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of having 5 mature eggs when the 1 was fertilized last cycle. What if all 5 are? Just kill me. I can't even think of that.
So what do you guys think? Like I've said, I trust my Dr completely. If she thinks this is the way we'll have a successful pregnancy, then I think so as well. I just have a gut feeling that we should try once more with just the Clomid and see where it takes us. The same thing could happen, just get one egg and there could be something wrong with that egg like this last one... but, if it did happen the next cycle (another MC) and she said that the more eggs we have, the more chances they will survive--I would do the injections. I just feel like the clomid worked, my egg didn't.. not the drugs. And if my chances of having 2930824 babies is lower with just the Clomid--I think I like that.
Thoughts?
12.06.2010
ultrasound 12-7..
So I called Dr Chen this morning and they said to nix the blood work (thank goodness) but that I should come in tomorrow morning at 8:30 because she wants to do a urine pregnancy test and to do an ultrasound to make sure there's nothing there.
A transvaginal ultrasound sounds faaaantastic right about now. Ha..
I will keep you posted. I am sure everything is alright. Fingers crossed that everything is on its way out and I won't need a DnC. That sounds much worse than the freaking ultrasound. Oh, and I need to start on those glorious birth control pills, Apri when this period-thing is over.
On a brighter note, I found a carton of Marlboro Lights in the cupboard at work which means I don't need to go buy cigarettes for at least a few days... for the store, not me. Nothing is worse than working a store in a rehab when you're out of cigarettes, let me tell you!! Wa-hoo! One less trip I have to make on my daily 60 miles of driving. You know you're getting frustrated with where you work when you start counting miles that you drive each day. Mind you, it's not like I work 30 miles from my house. No, I work 12 miles from home. But as I mentioned in a rant post a week or so ago, I go into work twice a day, so 24 miles there and back--twice. That's 48. And another 12 for taking Sebastian to work and back home in the mornings. We really need another car. This time next year we should have had a new car for a few months. I really want that Cadillac SRX Crossover or a CTS wagon, but we'll see. We decided a while ago that we wanted a new Volvo XC90 (the SUV) or Subaru Forester 2.5XT Touring edition/Outback Limited edition. So who knows. It could change in the next few months, too. ;]
Hope everyone has a splendid week! Update manana!
A transvaginal ultrasound sounds faaaantastic right about now. Ha..
I will keep you posted. I am sure everything is alright. Fingers crossed that everything is on its way out and I won't need a DnC. That sounds much worse than the freaking ultrasound. Oh, and I need to start on those glorious birth control pills, Apri when this period-thing is over.
On a brighter note, I found a carton of Marlboro Lights in the cupboard at work which means I don't need to go buy cigarettes for at least a few days... for the store, not me. Nothing is worse than working a store in a rehab when you're out of cigarettes, let me tell you!! Wa-hoo! One less trip I have to make on my daily 60 miles of driving. You know you're getting frustrated with where you work when you start counting miles that you drive each day. Mind you, it's not like I work 30 miles from my house. No, I work 12 miles from home. But as I mentioned in a rant post a week or so ago, I go into work twice a day, so 24 miles there and back--twice. That's 48. And another 12 for taking Sebastian to work and back home in the mornings. We really need another car. This time next year we should have had a new car for a few months. I really want that Cadillac SRX Crossover or a CTS wagon, but we'll see. We decided a while ago that we wanted a new Volvo XC90 (the SUV) or Subaru Forester 2.5XT Touring edition/Outback Limited edition. So who knows. It could change in the next few months, too. ;]
Hope everyone has a splendid week! Update manana!
12.05.2010
slightly good news?
**man readers, stop here**
I can't be sure, but I think the good ol' miscarriage is happening naturally. And sooner than suspected, too. I am supposed to go in tomorrow and Wednesday to do the HCG level blood work to make sure my levels are dropping and return to pre-pregnancy levels. This would mean my body recognized that it was a 'faulty' pregnancy and would take care of it on its own. So much better than getting the methotrexate injections, IMO. I'd rather not get injections of chemotherapy drugs, not to mention the fact that one is generally not enough--even though they are at low doses, I'd really rather not have 'em! My doctor said to call her if I get my period, so I'm going to call in the morning so that I'm sure it's a real period and not just spotting or anything; I'm pretty sure it's heavier than spotting already though. I know she wanted to put me back on BC pills for another 2-3 months because she didn't want to do another cycle so close to a miscarriage. I totally agree. Emotionally and physically, it's definitely better to wait. I think I'm going to shoot a little closer to our next cycle being in about 6 months or so. If this whole store purchasing thing goes though (and I REALLY hope it does), even though I could make it work it would be so much less stressful if I wasn't pregnant right off the bat. Plus, I'm at a somewhat healthy weight currently, but I would really like to work on myself a little bit more so that the pregnancy would be a bit easier on me with all my back problems.
It seems bittersweet to say I'm relieved that this miscarriage is happening. I'm so, so thankful that it didn't drag on for weeks and weeks as I was warned it might. And it was still early. Almost 7 weeks to the day. The way Sebastian and I look at it, our little guy (yes, we know it will be a boy.. even in the future) was just making a dry run to get warmed up for the real show. Practice makes perfect! Let's pray that he only needed one practice round. ;)
On a side note: It's freaking pouring. And I freaking love the rain. Yes, yes.. I can say that because I live in Southern CA and it doesn't rain everyday or even heavily every year but it is really nice to listen to. Also a great excuse to cuddle up on the couch and eat soup for dinner. Which, we of course did. Oh! I also trained Sebastian a bit at the store so he can know what to do when/if we buy it. Dang! I mean, I knew he'd have no problem catching on but he really caught on--and then some! He's even remembering client's names and asking them how they are doing. I was very impressed. We're going to make a great team when it comes to working together at the store. We're already a great team in every other aspect of our relationship! Now I see why he's been moved up so many times at his work, and why it's been so fast, too. Because he's amazing! And very smart. How lucky am I? I love you honey!!
I can't be sure, but I think the good ol' miscarriage is happening naturally. And sooner than suspected, too. I am supposed to go in tomorrow and Wednesday to do the HCG level blood work to make sure my levels are dropping and return to pre-pregnancy levels. This would mean my body recognized that it was a 'faulty' pregnancy and would take care of it on its own. So much better than getting the methotrexate injections, IMO. I'd rather not get injections of chemotherapy drugs, not to mention the fact that one is generally not enough--even though they are at low doses, I'd really rather not have 'em! My doctor said to call her if I get my period, so I'm going to call in the morning so that I'm sure it's a real period and not just spotting or anything; I'm pretty sure it's heavier than spotting already though. I know she wanted to put me back on BC pills for another 2-3 months because she didn't want to do another cycle so close to a miscarriage. I totally agree. Emotionally and physically, it's definitely better to wait. I think I'm going to shoot a little closer to our next cycle being in about 6 months or so. If this whole store purchasing thing goes though (and I REALLY hope it does), even though I could make it work it would be so much less stressful if I wasn't pregnant right off the bat. Plus, I'm at a somewhat healthy weight currently, but I would really like to work on myself a little bit more so that the pregnancy would be a bit easier on me with all my back problems.
It seems bittersweet to say I'm relieved that this miscarriage is happening. I'm so, so thankful that it didn't drag on for weeks and weeks as I was warned it might. And it was still early. Almost 7 weeks to the day. The way Sebastian and I look at it, our little guy (yes, we know it will be a boy.. even in the future) was just making a dry run to get warmed up for the real show. Practice makes perfect! Let's pray that he only needed one practice round. ;)
On a side note: It's freaking pouring. And I freaking love the rain. Yes, yes.. I can say that because I live in Southern CA and it doesn't rain everyday or even heavily every year but it is really nice to listen to. Also a great excuse to cuddle up on the couch and eat soup for dinner. Which, we of course did. Oh! I also trained Sebastian a bit at the store so he can know what to do when/if we buy it. Dang! I mean, I knew he'd have no problem catching on but he really caught on--and then some! He's even remembering client's names and asking them how they are doing. I was very impressed. We're going to make a great team when it comes to working together at the store. We're already a great team in every other aspect of our relationship! Now I see why he's been moved up so many times at his work, and why it's been so fast, too. Because he's amazing! And very smart. How lucky am I? I love you honey!!
11.30.2010
sigh.
Well, no news or miscarriage yet. I wasn't planning on writing anything at all, but I figured why not. I've been really angry the past few days. I'm sure it's hormones, but it seems to be getting worse. Probably from speaking to the doctor yesterday--it sure didn't make things better. I've been catty with some people at work that usually piss me off anyway, now I'm just starting to say things rather than blow it off as I always do. Probably not the best thing since I'm trying to get in the 'circle' there so I can (eventually) buy that damn store. I still want it--very much, but I am getting really sick of the run around from the current owner. It's not like I'm really getting paid. The only reason I've stuck around is because of the promised prospect of being soon to be owner. I was even given a set date which would be tomorrow! The owner and his wife asked me to coffee yesterday before my evening shift and we talked about the store. What I think is going on is he wants to sell it ASAP (as he's said)--but hasn't been including her in what he's been telling me. She was unaware of his continual promises and dates and talk of funds and he even told me to call the credit card machine company and switch the terminal in my name. Though it was never said, you could tell she was completely in the dark because she kept shooting him blatantly obvious looks of 'wtf.'
So that's been another source of my being very pissy. I'm sick of being used and led on. Now the date is somewhere near February. I flat out snapped at them and said I need an answer in 2 weeks or less because this is getting ridiculous. The first time he offered me the store (2 months ago, maybe 3) I got a call from a job that I had applied to a while ago for an interview. I politely turned it down since I didn't want to waste their time, as I was supposed to pay him for the store the following day. I hadn't mentioned this to either of them until yesterday at coffee. I said I've been more than patient, more than understanding, and I've stuck around only to be strung along and taken advantage of. Their main 'thing' is that the owner (the husband) has been sober a couple few years and they feel working the store helps to keep him sober. I called them out on that, too. He hasn't worked a day, well maybe a day in the past 2 months. They just came back from a 3 week stint at their house up north, and are leaving Saturday to spend some time at their timeshare in CO. I mean, c'mon. Clearly, this store isn't doing anything for your sobriety. And even if it were, then it's time to get sober on your own instead of using a convenience store in the rehab you got sober in as a big ol' crutch. Am I right??
I was very firm with them, and it took them by surprise. I'm a very nice person, very accommodating especially for those I work for and with. Well eff that. I feel the need to be appreciated and respected (fancy that!). I said I was still interested in the store, but I don't trust anything anymore with good reason, and I won't until we have signed the papers, money has exchanged hands and I have the keys. I said all of this very nicely, just plain and honest. They understood, or at least said so. I said I'm clearly not working here for the money, and I need to start making some real money for my family. If you're still undecided in 2 weeks I will be drastically cutting my availability and looking for work elsewhere. I will still be interested when you're ready to sell the store, I just can't afford to waste my time.
Some of you might say I'm not playing my cards right but I actually have the upper hand. I work twice a day, seven days a week. On most days it's 12:00p-1:00p, go home and come back 5:00p-7:00p. Visitation days and it's hours are all over the board. Example: Wednesdays are 12:00p-1:00p. Then 3:30p-6:00p. I can't be open (rehab policy) while they are in group classes. They have group from 6:00p-7:00p. So, it isn't worth me going home and driving right back (it takes 20-30 minutes one way from home to work) so I have to sit and read or pick my nose for that hour they are in group. Then, I'm open from 7:00p-7:15p for their 'between meeting break.' They have another meeting from 7:00/7:15-8:00. I then work from 8:00-9:00p. For all the breaks, I do not get paid. But essentially, I work from 12:00p to 9:00p and am paid for a little less than 5 hours or there abouts. Tell me this. Where are you going to find a moron to work these hours other than myself? You aren't. I work them, because there was a bigger goal in sight: owning the store December 1st.
The staff and the owner of the rehab love me and constantly ask when I'm taking over the store. My bosses can't deny that, they know it very well. They've even had phone calls about it! People calling to say what a wonderful job I'm doing and how much they love having me there. Which I'm sure just chaps his hide, but hey.. it's true. I have been doing my darndest to be perceived as just that: The most awesomest store-runner in the world.
Kind of an off-topic post for me I suppose. But, with the unfortunate baby news.. I don't think we will be TTC for months so get used to my boring, day to day posts. I have to do something to keep what sanity I have left hanging around, right?
[Oh! And as if this wasn't long enough to begin with. Another peeve. Yesterday, I stayed a little later than 8 at work. Power went out right when I left. I knew the fridge and the long freezer would be fine, etc. So I left. I had promised to make some candied pecans for a girl at work. She paid me $15 for them. I get the pecans for $7 so it was almost worth it. Went to the store on the way home, picked up dinner since it was late and I didn't want to cook and got home about 9:00. Mixed up the pecans and threw them in the oven. As I was putting them in the oven, I get call on my cell phone. The place that I work at doesn't have my phone number, as in.. the actual rehab. But I had their number in my phone for emergencies and what not. So it came up on my phone as the rehab. What the heck? I answer. It's the girl I'm making the nuts for. She said that they had called my boss and he didn't pick up repeatedly (and you know darn well he has their number in his phone--BOTH of his phones--the two they called)--so we thought we'd try you. The ice cream freezer has been making a TERRIBLE noise every since the power went back on about 20-30 minutes ago. You can hear it all the way down the hall. So I'm pissed. As I mentioned, takes 20 minutes to get to work and it's now after 9p. I won't be home until 10 at the latest. Not to mention... Sebastian now has to stir the nuts every 15 minutes for an hour until they are done. The girl went on a break, and in the meantime the noise has stopped. No one bothers to call me of course. I get there, everything is fine. I turn around, come home. Nuts are burnt. Not mad at the hubby, it wasn't his task.. but I now have to get more nuts and eggs as I used the last of them on the burnt batch. I'm now really mad. If the girl hadn't paid me, and hadn't been taking 3 days off after the next day--I would have waited until another day for sure. Go to store again. Get nuts and eggs. Talk to Ali on the phone. Go home, make nuts. Cook for an hour. Bed by 1:30a. Bring nuts to work next day (today) in a quart sized ziplock with the girls name written in bold, black sharpie plainly across the front of the bag. Hand it to administrator and say who they're for. Go to work. Go home, go back to work.. and run into the nut-girl. She asks for them. I say they are in the office? Nope, not there. Calls administrator. She ate them. I am going to reduce myself to the very cliche acronym of: FML.]
So that's been another source of my being very pissy. I'm sick of being used and led on. Now the date is somewhere near February. I flat out snapped at them and said I need an answer in 2 weeks or less because this is getting ridiculous. The first time he offered me the store (2 months ago, maybe 3) I got a call from a job that I had applied to a while ago for an interview. I politely turned it down since I didn't want to waste their time, as I was supposed to pay him for the store the following day. I hadn't mentioned this to either of them until yesterday at coffee. I said I've been more than patient, more than understanding, and I've stuck around only to be strung along and taken advantage of. Their main 'thing' is that the owner (the husband) has been sober a couple few years and they feel working the store helps to keep him sober. I called them out on that, too. He hasn't worked a day, well maybe a day in the past 2 months. They just came back from a 3 week stint at their house up north, and are leaving Saturday to spend some time at their timeshare in CO. I mean, c'mon. Clearly, this store isn't doing anything for your sobriety. And even if it were, then it's time to get sober on your own instead of using a convenience store in the rehab you got sober in as a big ol' crutch. Am I right??
I was very firm with them, and it took them by surprise. I'm a very nice person, very accommodating especially for those I work for and with. Well eff that. I feel the need to be appreciated and respected (fancy that!). I said I was still interested in the store, but I don't trust anything anymore with good reason, and I won't until we have signed the papers, money has exchanged hands and I have the keys. I said all of this very nicely, just plain and honest. They understood, or at least said so. I said I'm clearly not working here for the money, and I need to start making some real money for my family. If you're still undecided in 2 weeks I will be drastically cutting my availability and looking for work elsewhere. I will still be interested when you're ready to sell the store, I just can't afford to waste my time.
Some of you might say I'm not playing my cards right but I actually have the upper hand. I work twice a day, seven days a week. On most days it's 12:00p-1:00p, go home and come back 5:00p-7:00p. Visitation days and it's hours are all over the board. Example: Wednesdays are 12:00p-1:00p. Then 3:30p-6:00p. I can't be open (rehab policy) while they are in group classes. They have group from 6:00p-7:00p. So, it isn't worth me going home and driving right back (it takes 20-30 minutes one way from home to work) so I have to sit and read or pick my nose for that hour they are in group. Then, I'm open from 7:00p-7:15p for their 'between meeting break.' They have another meeting from 7:00/7:15-8:00. I then work from 8:00-9:00p. For all the breaks, I do not get paid. But essentially, I work from 12:00p to 9:00p and am paid for a little less than 5 hours or there abouts. Tell me this. Where are you going to find a moron to work these hours other than myself? You aren't. I work them, because there was a bigger goal in sight: owning the store December 1st.
The staff and the owner of the rehab love me and constantly ask when I'm taking over the store. My bosses can't deny that, they know it very well. They've even had phone calls about it! People calling to say what a wonderful job I'm doing and how much they love having me there. Which I'm sure just chaps his hide, but hey.. it's true. I have been doing my darndest to be perceived as just that: The most awesomest store-runner in the world.
Kind of an off-topic post for me I suppose. But, with the unfortunate baby news.. I don't think we will be TTC for months so get used to my boring, day to day posts. I have to do something to keep what sanity I have left hanging around, right?
[Oh! And as if this wasn't long enough to begin with. Another peeve. Yesterday, I stayed a little later than 8 at work. Power went out right when I left. I knew the fridge and the long freezer would be fine, etc. So I left. I had promised to make some candied pecans for a girl at work. She paid me $15 for them. I get the pecans for $7 so it was almost worth it. Went to the store on the way home, picked up dinner since it was late and I didn't want to cook and got home about 9:00. Mixed up the pecans and threw them in the oven. As I was putting them in the oven, I get call on my cell phone. The place that I work at doesn't have my phone number, as in.. the actual rehab. But I had their number in my phone for emergencies and what not. So it came up on my phone as the rehab. What the heck? I answer. It's the girl I'm making the nuts for. She said that they had called my boss and he didn't pick up repeatedly (and you know darn well he has their number in his phone--BOTH of his phones--the two they called)--so we thought we'd try you. The ice cream freezer has been making a TERRIBLE noise every since the power went back on about 20-30 minutes ago. You can hear it all the way down the hall. So I'm pissed. As I mentioned, takes 20 minutes to get to work and it's now after 9p. I won't be home until 10 at the latest. Not to mention... Sebastian now has to stir the nuts every 15 minutes for an hour until they are done. The girl went on a break, and in the meantime the noise has stopped. No one bothers to call me of course. I get there, everything is fine. I turn around, come home. Nuts are burnt. Not mad at the hubby, it wasn't his task.. but I now have to get more nuts and eggs as I used the last of them on the burnt batch. I'm now really mad. If the girl hadn't paid me, and hadn't been taking 3 days off after the next day--I would have waited until another day for sure. Go to store again. Get nuts and eggs. Talk to Ali on the phone. Go home, make nuts. Cook for an hour. Bed by 1:30a. Bring nuts to work next day (today) in a quart sized ziplock with the girls name written in bold, black sharpie plainly across the front of the bag. Hand it to administrator and say who they're for. Go to work. Go home, go back to work.. and run into the nut-girl. She asks for them. I say they are in the office? Nope, not there. Calls administrator. She ate them. I am going to reduce myself to the very cliche acronym of: FML.]
11.29.2010
:( ...
Well, had the second test today. Dr Chen called me at noon and said that my levels were not only low (typically they should be 100 for the first, mine were 56) but that they weren't doubling like they should either (my second was in the 60s). Sigh. So, it's either a tubal pregnancy or just a 'bad' one and will end in miscarriage either way. Hopefully, it will pass naturally but if not then there is a shot she will give me that will kill the 'tissue' (aka embryo) and my period should start. Another sigh. I'm not super depressed, just a little upset. The way I see it, it's much better losing a baby this early (at 5 or 6 weeks) as opposed to any later. Of course Dr. Chen made the happy statement of me being able to get pregnant is a huge deal. We weren't sure that it could happen, and it happened on the first round of Clomid so I suppose she's right--it is something to be excited about. We won't need to do injections when the time comes to try again, we'll stick with the Clomid at the same dose (150mg).
She said that this 'process' can take up to a few days or a few weeks. I am really, really hoping it's a matter of days. I just want it to be over and done with. She said once my period starts she wants to put me on birth control for 2 months again before the next cycle of TTC. I'm thinking we'll wait for another 6 months or so.. maybe less, but I'm thinking somewhere around there. It would have been great to be pregnant now (with a healthy pregnancy), but with the new business endeavor it will be a lot easier getting started with all the stress and money if I'm not also stressing (and spending money) on fertility cycles. Things have a way of working themselves out, though.
I have to go in Monday and Wednesday of next week to get the same blood tests done. If my levels are dropping on their own, it's an indication that I will miscarry on my own. If they aren't dropping then I'll get the shot. Apparently the shot is a low dose of chemotherapy? A little unnerving if you ask me.. Oh well. I suppose I really don't have any more options at that point if it comes to that, and I trust her so we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Thank you all for being so supportive! xo
She said that this 'process' can take up to a few days or a few weeks. I am really, really hoping it's a matter of days. I just want it to be over and done with. She said once my period starts she wants to put me on birth control for 2 months again before the next cycle of TTC. I'm thinking we'll wait for another 6 months or so.. maybe less, but I'm thinking somewhere around there. It would have been great to be pregnant now (with a healthy pregnancy), but with the new business endeavor it will be a lot easier getting started with all the stress and money if I'm not also stressing (and spending money) on fertility cycles. Things have a way of working themselves out, though.
I have to go in Monday and Wednesday of next week to get the same blood tests done. If my levels are dropping on their own, it's an indication that I will miscarry on my own. If they aren't dropping then I'll get the shot. Apparently the shot is a low dose of chemotherapy? A little unnerving if you ask me.. Oh well. I suppose I really don't have any more options at that point if it comes to that, and I trust her so we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Thank you all for being so supportive! xo
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