So today was painful. As I know you're sick of hearing, I've had it up to here with this buying the store, not buying the store mumbo jumbo from the current owner. I gave them a deadline of this Friday with a meeting we were scheduling for today. He came in to get a list of supplies to go buy before he went to the store.. and he brought up the sale of the store right then and there. Which caught me off guard as I figured he'd want his wife there, too.
Anyway--his words, and I quote, 'Hey.. regarding the store: it's a go. As in, like, today.. or tomorrow. I'm ready. I just need to talk to _______ (the owner of the facility, we will call him M from now on).' I'm sure my brows rose and my eyes widened. I replied with a 'Sure.. sounds great..' because as always, I'm not letting his words get my hopes up when his words are meaningless to me these days.
No sooner had I finished my sentence, and he was on his way out the door saying he'd be right back after talking with M. I think I audibly uttered a 'wow...' At the same time, my skepticism of him got the best of me while he was gone all of 15 minutes. 'Yeah, right.. ' I thought. 'He's just outside smoking a cigarette... I know it.. what a douche.' In the minutes he was gone talking with M, I was thinking about how I was going to tell him that once we sit down with M, however brief, go over rent and my ownership of the store, have R (current owner) sign some informal paperwork---then the money would exchange hands from myself to R.
When he returned, he said it had gone well. That he had told M he just couldn't swing a profit with the store because he was out of town, had other business to attend to and couldn't pay someone to be here all the time (yours truly), and that he had decided it was time to move on. Apparently, M had agreed and said that he just needed to see my business license (which is fine, and to be expected) and we could go from there. Still doubtful, I just nodded, smiled and said 'Great!' And low and behold, who comes bounding into the store, breathless and bug eyed as he usually scampers by daily? M...!? He says, 'Hey.. yeah, so R talked to me and said you're going to be taking over the store here soon and I just wanted to let you know we talked, everything is great and we're glad to have you,' while extending a hand for that business deal sealing man-thing. 'I just need to see your business license.'
Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit. No kidding? Wow. I must've looked stunned. I shook his hand, and said 'Yes, of course.. I will get that to you ASAP.. Thank you very much! I'm so excited to be here and to be a part of the team.' With that, he was gone and back to his cave of an office. Now I was convinced. I called the hubby and mom.
BUT.. oh yes.. there's always a big, fat BUT(T) somewhere in the saga of this store buying nonsense, isn't there?
When I get back at 3:30p for the second shift, R is there finishing up delivering the supplies. I say hi. He says.. 'Yeah.. so I got an email from M's sister..' So? Why would I care? I didn't say this, but I thought it. He says, 'All it said was: We need to talk. I will call you tomorrow.' Fantastic... who is this sister? Either way.. she doesn't sound thrilled about something. R proceeds to tell me about how the sister is somewhat of a silent partner in the business and when he first started the store in his name, he had an 'interview' with M and then the final interview (clearly the approval interview; the one that counts) with the sister. Super.
I will wrap this up quick like. Even though R and myself have been talking about this for months, literally months, today was the first day he mentioned it to M. So believe me, I do understand the apprehension. And, if the sister is a big part in the decision making process I can also understand her frustration with both M and R on not being included in the decision. After all, I've never even met the woman. Who also happens to be a prominent LA attorney. In the papers, in books.. the whole bit. So naturally, she wants to know everything about me and my intentions with this place: All understandable. Does this make me any less pissed the ____ off? Um.. no. Because, no matter how you look at this I've been jerked back and forth countless times and I'm sick and tired of the bullshit to be frank. All of this falls on R as far as I'm concerned. He should have taken the initiative and spoken to M the second he told me he was interested in selling and that he was selling to me (3 months ago), so that this wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone involved. I know M and his sister are very selective with staff and therefor with the store owner as well, but I also know that M knows me well enough as I have been there 7 days a week for the past 4 months, give or take. So if they're 'okay' with the sale, there is no doubt they are 'okay' with me since they have had nothing but compliments in regards to me. So he's told me. That's a huge plus. It's just this sister that I'm nervous about. M had the administrator call R later in the day (because M has no balls, apparently) to tell R that this was all a lot to take in and that M had jumped the gun on approving the whole thing, but not involving his sister and that after the holidays we would revisit the sale and go from there.
*$#!@*&^!!! Am I right?! Maaan. I suppose I'll stick it out. It's silly not to. And in the meantime, it's not like I'm not getting paid to be there and I honestly enjoy helping the clients and the interaction with them. It's really them I'm there for. And maybe myself, indirectly. I can't tell you how many people have come into the store to talk to me, unload their problems and seek my advice. And a few girls that come in crying because they know I'll give them a hug and tell them everything will work itself out just fine. And it will. I love the feeling of making a difference, no matter how small.. in a person's life. It's very rewarding work and it helps me appreciate my life and those in it even more.
On that note.. positive vibes, people. Positive sell-me-your-friggen-store-vibes. Send 'em my way.
About Me
- fallon judith
- I'm happily married to my best friend. As you can see in my 'interests' I'm an outdoorsy kind of girl. I'd rather go camping than stay at a fancy hotel. I love to fish but haven't been in years. I've found I love to blog, too. It's both an outlet for my own personal sanity, plus if it can help even one woman cope with their PCOS--I'm thrilled!
12.16.2010
12.09.2010
next cycle.
It was strange. I hadn't felt like we lost anything until my Dr appointment. My Dr came in in do initiate my date with 'Wandy' (thanks, BtB!) but first wanted to say she was sorry for our loss and that it's hard to know why we lose pregnancies and so on. I hadn't really referred to the miscarriage as a loss. I'm not entirely sure why, either. Probably because I knew it was a possibility, maybe even that it was likely it wasn't going to pan out the way we wanted. Maybe I was just being a little clinical like I'm known for in all aspects. I'm just to scientific and factual when it comes to things. I wish I weren't, but I am.
Anyway. I thought I was going to cry when she started with the sad faces, touching my knee sweetly, and melancholy tone of 'loss.' Thankfully, the pregnancy hormones had subsided by then. Otherwise I would have been bawling, or screaming.. or who knows, maybe even angry! With this PCOS thing for me personally, I don't have an excess of testosterone more so a lack of any estrogen and female hormones. Which would explain my lifelong calm demeanor and my 'even' attitude--for the most part. Basically, I'm not at all used to my emotions getting the best of me or even having a bearing on how I act like I feel. It's been hell with the birth control pills, too. I'm actually getting a period, so I'm actually getting outwardly emotional. I guess I feel like a real girl, which is kind of scary. Sometimes I wonder if Sebastian will get freaked out and run away! ;)
Well, I think that's about it for today. Oh! Wait.. actually, I forgot to say what the title of this post implies. What's happening for the next cycle. Like I've mentioned a million times (or at least 2 or 3), we are planning on waiting closer to the 6 month mark to try again. My Dr said to give it 2 months on BC pills and to wait for my period the next month, so essentially: 3 months from now. And this round we are supposed to do a fertility injection meds 'booster' shot before I start my Clomid in hopes to produce more than 1 egg. The only thing that scares me a little (okay, more like.. scares me to death) is the fact we did get pregnant our first cycle with the Clomid alone, it was just unsuccessful. You only need one egg, and we only had the one and it was fertilized. What happens if we have 3 or 5 mature eggs? I know that broadens our chances, but from the looks of this cycle, I'm the PCOSer that just doesn't ovulate, I seem to have no problems at least getting pregnant (tidbit: 1 in 5 normal pregnancies result in miscarriage. PCOS brings it to 3. I'm on metformin so that lowers my risk to that of a normal woman, 1 in 5).
I cannot have triplets.
Period. It can't happen. I don't want triplets--at all. Then again, who does? The twins--I know this is a possibility, and I think I can do the twins.. it will be a struggle, no doubt. But I think I can manage that. I really want 1. But, I suppose that's idealistic. I'm thinking of telling her when the time comes that I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of having 5 mature eggs when the 1 was fertilized last cycle. What if all 5 are? Just kill me. I can't even think of that.
So what do you guys think? Like I've said, I trust my Dr completely. If she thinks this is the way we'll have a successful pregnancy, then I think so as well. I just have a gut feeling that we should try once more with just the Clomid and see where it takes us. The same thing could happen, just get one egg and there could be something wrong with that egg like this last one... but, if it did happen the next cycle (another MC) and she said that the more eggs we have, the more chances they will survive--I would do the injections. I just feel like the clomid worked, my egg didn't.. not the drugs. And if my chances of having 2930824 babies is lower with just the Clomid--I think I like that.
Thoughts?
Anyway. I thought I was going to cry when she started with the sad faces, touching my knee sweetly, and melancholy tone of 'loss.' Thankfully, the pregnancy hormones had subsided by then. Otherwise I would have been bawling, or screaming.. or who knows, maybe even angry! With this PCOS thing for me personally, I don't have an excess of testosterone more so a lack of any estrogen and female hormones. Which would explain my lifelong calm demeanor and my 'even' attitude--for the most part. Basically, I'm not at all used to my emotions getting the best of me or even having a bearing on how I act like I feel. It's been hell with the birth control pills, too. I'm actually getting a period, so I'm actually getting outwardly emotional. I guess I feel like a real girl, which is kind of scary. Sometimes I wonder if Sebastian will get freaked out and run away! ;)
Well, I think that's about it for today. Oh! Wait.. actually, I forgot to say what the title of this post implies. What's happening for the next cycle. Like I've mentioned a million times (or at least 2 or 3), we are planning on waiting closer to the 6 month mark to try again. My Dr said to give it 2 months on BC pills and to wait for my period the next month, so essentially: 3 months from now. And this round we are supposed to do a fertility injection meds 'booster' shot before I start my Clomid in hopes to produce more than 1 egg. The only thing that scares me a little (okay, more like.. scares me to death) is the fact we did get pregnant our first cycle with the Clomid alone, it was just unsuccessful. You only need one egg, and we only had the one and it was fertilized. What happens if we have 3 or 5 mature eggs? I know that broadens our chances, but from the looks of this cycle, I'm the PCOSer that just doesn't ovulate, I seem to have no problems at least getting pregnant (tidbit: 1 in 5 normal pregnancies result in miscarriage. PCOS brings it to 3. I'm on metformin so that lowers my risk to that of a normal woman, 1 in 5).
I cannot have triplets.
Period. It can't happen. I don't want triplets--at all. Then again, who does? The twins--I know this is a possibility, and I think I can do the twins.. it will be a struggle, no doubt. But I think I can manage that. I really want 1. But, I suppose that's idealistic. I'm thinking of telling her when the time comes that I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of having 5 mature eggs when the 1 was fertilized last cycle. What if all 5 are? Just kill me. I can't even think of that.
So what do you guys think? Like I've said, I trust my Dr completely. If she thinks this is the way we'll have a successful pregnancy, then I think so as well. I just have a gut feeling that we should try once more with just the Clomid and see where it takes us. The same thing could happen, just get one egg and there could be something wrong with that egg like this last one... but, if it did happen the next cycle (another MC) and she said that the more eggs we have, the more chances they will survive--I would do the injections. I just feel like the clomid worked, my egg didn't.. not the drugs. And if my chances of having 2930824 babies is lower with just the Clomid--I think I like that.
Thoughts?
12.06.2010
ultrasound 12-7..
So I called Dr Chen this morning and they said to nix the blood work (thank goodness) but that I should come in tomorrow morning at 8:30 because she wants to do a urine pregnancy test and to do an ultrasound to make sure there's nothing there.
A transvaginal ultrasound sounds faaaantastic right about now. Ha..
I will keep you posted. I am sure everything is alright. Fingers crossed that everything is on its way out and I won't need a DnC. That sounds much worse than the freaking ultrasound. Oh, and I need to start on those glorious birth control pills, Apri when this period-thing is over.
On a brighter note, I found a carton of Marlboro Lights in the cupboard at work which means I don't need to go buy cigarettes for at least a few days... for the store, not me. Nothing is worse than working a store in a rehab when you're out of cigarettes, let me tell you!! Wa-hoo! One less trip I have to make on my daily 60 miles of driving. You know you're getting frustrated with where you work when you start counting miles that you drive each day. Mind you, it's not like I work 30 miles from my house. No, I work 12 miles from home. But as I mentioned in a rant post a week or so ago, I go into work twice a day, so 24 miles there and back--twice. That's 48. And another 12 for taking Sebastian to work and back home in the mornings. We really need another car. This time next year we should have had a new car for a few months. I really want that Cadillac SRX Crossover or a CTS wagon, but we'll see. We decided a while ago that we wanted a new Volvo XC90 (the SUV) or Subaru Forester 2.5XT Touring edition/Outback Limited edition. So who knows. It could change in the next few months, too. ;]
Hope everyone has a splendid week! Update manana!
A transvaginal ultrasound sounds faaaantastic right about now. Ha..
I will keep you posted. I am sure everything is alright. Fingers crossed that everything is on its way out and I won't need a DnC. That sounds much worse than the freaking ultrasound. Oh, and I need to start on those glorious birth control pills, Apri when this period-thing is over.
On a brighter note, I found a carton of Marlboro Lights in the cupboard at work which means I don't need to go buy cigarettes for at least a few days... for the store, not me. Nothing is worse than working a store in a rehab when you're out of cigarettes, let me tell you!! Wa-hoo! One less trip I have to make on my daily 60 miles of driving. You know you're getting frustrated with where you work when you start counting miles that you drive each day. Mind you, it's not like I work 30 miles from my house. No, I work 12 miles from home. But as I mentioned in a rant post a week or so ago, I go into work twice a day, so 24 miles there and back--twice. That's 48. And another 12 for taking Sebastian to work and back home in the mornings. We really need another car. This time next year we should have had a new car for a few months. I really want that Cadillac SRX Crossover or a CTS wagon, but we'll see. We decided a while ago that we wanted a new Volvo XC90 (the SUV) or Subaru Forester 2.5XT Touring edition/Outback Limited edition. So who knows. It could change in the next few months, too. ;]
Hope everyone has a splendid week! Update manana!
12.05.2010
slightly good news?
**man readers, stop here**
I can't be sure, but I think the good ol' miscarriage is happening naturally. And sooner than suspected, too. I am supposed to go in tomorrow and Wednesday to do the HCG level blood work to make sure my levels are dropping and return to pre-pregnancy levels. This would mean my body recognized that it was a 'faulty' pregnancy and would take care of it on its own. So much better than getting the methotrexate injections, IMO. I'd rather not get injections of chemotherapy drugs, not to mention the fact that one is generally not enough--even though they are at low doses, I'd really rather not have 'em! My doctor said to call her if I get my period, so I'm going to call in the morning so that I'm sure it's a real period and not just spotting or anything; I'm pretty sure it's heavier than spotting already though. I know she wanted to put me back on BC pills for another 2-3 months because she didn't want to do another cycle so close to a miscarriage. I totally agree. Emotionally and physically, it's definitely better to wait. I think I'm going to shoot a little closer to our next cycle being in about 6 months or so. If this whole store purchasing thing goes though (and I REALLY hope it does), even though I could make it work it would be so much less stressful if I wasn't pregnant right off the bat. Plus, I'm at a somewhat healthy weight currently, but I would really like to work on myself a little bit more so that the pregnancy would be a bit easier on me with all my back problems.
It seems bittersweet to say I'm relieved that this miscarriage is happening. I'm so, so thankful that it didn't drag on for weeks and weeks as I was warned it might. And it was still early. Almost 7 weeks to the day. The way Sebastian and I look at it, our little guy (yes, we know it will be a boy.. even in the future) was just making a dry run to get warmed up for the real show. Practice makes perfect! Let's pray that he only needed one practice round. ;)
On a side note: It's freaking pouring. And I freaking love the rain. Yes, yes.. I can say that because I live in Southern CA and it doesn't rain everyday or even heavily every year but it is really nice to listen to. Also a great excuse to cuddle up on the couch and eat soup for dinner. Which, we of course did. Oh! I also trained Sebastian a bit at the store so he can know what to do when/if we buy it. Dang! I mean, I knew he'd have no problem catching on but he really caught on--and then some! He's even remembering client's names and asking them how they are doing. I was very impressed. We're going to make a great team when it comes to working together at the store. We're already a great team in every other aspect of our relationship! Now I see why he's been moved up so many times at his work, and why it's been so fast, too. Because he's amazing! And very smart. How lucky am I? I love you honey!!
I can't be sure, but I think the good ol' miscarriage is happening naturally. And sooner than suspected, too. I am supposed to go in tomorrow and Wednesday to do the HCG level blood work to make sure my levels are dropping and return to pre-pregnancy levels. This would mean my body recognized that it was a 'faulty' pregnancy and would take care of it on its own. So much better than getting the methotrexate injections, IMO. I'd rather not get injections of chemotherapy drugs, not to mention the fact that one is generally not enough--even though they are at low doses, I'd really rather not have 'em! My doctor said to call her if I get my period, so I'm going to call in the morning so that I'm sure it's a real period and not just spotting or anything; I'm pretty sure it's heavier than spotting already though. I know she wanted to put me back on BC pills for another 2-3 months because she didn't want to do another cycle so close to a miscarriage. I totally agree. Emotionally and physically, it's definitely better to wait. I think I'm going to shoot a little closer to our next cycle being in about 6 months or so. If this whole store purchasing thing goes though (and I REALLY hope it does), even though I could make it work it would be so much less stressful if I wasn't pregnant right off the bat. Plus, I'm at a somewhat healthy weight currently, but I would really like to work on myself a little bit more so that the pregnancy would be a bit easier on me with all my back problems.
It seems bittersweet to say I'm relieved that this miscarriage is happening. I'm so, so thankful that it didn't drag on for weeks and weeks as I was warned it might. And it was still early. Almost 7 weeks to the day. The way Sebastian and I look at it, our little guy (yes, we know it will be a boy.. even in the future) was just making a dry run to get warmed up for the real show. Practice makes perfect! Let's pray that he only needed one practice round. ;)
On a side note: It's freaking pouring. And I freaking love the rain. Yes, yes.. I can say that because I live in Southern CA and it doesn't rain everyday or even heavily every year but it is really nice to listen to. Also a great excuse to cuddle up on the couch and eat soup for dinner. Which, we of course did. Oh! I also trained Sebastian a bit at the store so he can know what to do when/if we buy it. Dang! I mean, I knew he'd have no problem catching on but he really caught on--and then some! He's even remembering client's names and asking them how they are doing. I was very impressed. We're going to make a great team when it comes to working together at the store. We're already a great team in every other aspect of our relationship! Now I see why he's been moved up so many times at his work, and why it's been so fast, too. Because he's amazing! And very smart. How lucky am I? I love you honey!!
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