as if PCOS wasn't quite enough.

Rather than beat around the bush.. I'll get right to the point.  I had a grand mal seizure about two and a half weeks ago.  I'm okay, well.. physically at least as of now.  I don't remember anything about it, just being put in the back of the ambulance and crying when they said 'Do you know what happened?' I could see my mom crying outside the ambulance.  I said shakily, 'no?' They replied simply, 'you had a seizure and we're going to take you to the hospital now.' Oh, perfect. How exciting. Tears just streamed down my face and I wasn't even sure why.  Probably just emotional.  Apparently, I was working on my mom's car (which, I remember) and sitting on a low stool (thank god) and I just started looking up into the sky and smiling.  My mom was inside the car, cleaning it out and asked what I was looking at.  I didn't respond. Then, the partial seizure turned into a full blow convulsion episode.  Like I said, I don't remember anything.  Which, in retrospect is probably for the best I suppose.

Long story a bit shorter, after the hospital I went to see a neurologist.  At the hospital they checked my blood sugar [it was okay], did a catscan [it too, was fine] and checked my blood work in general [WBC count was elevated, typical after a seizure]; EKG fine as well.  The ER Dr put me on Keppra, which I am still on now.

Oh, and he said.. 'oh yeah! No driving.' And discharged me.

A fun fact.  I quit the recovery center job because I was SO over waiting around, about a week before the seizure or so.  It happened on a Saturday at 11:45. I had to be at work EVERY Saturday at noon, I would leave the house at 11:30.  I would have been killed, killed someone or both.  I'm still shaken up about that.  It's not a stretch, either considering when I quit I was scheduled for that Saturday at 12:00.

The neurologist is pleasant enough.  A chubby older man with a jolly disposition.  I went to have an MRI at his request, because MRIs show much, much more in the ways of cancers, lesions, what area of the brain was effected.. that sort of thing.  I always thought catscans were pretty darn accurate and as it turns out, they aren't.  I haven't heard the results of the MRI yet and I'm slightly nervous, but what good is that going to do?  I have an EEG or something like that on the 14th of this month.  I will get the results from the MRI and the EEG on that date.  The EEG is where they stick electrodes on your head and really, really measure your brain waves.  It can also diagnose things even the MRI can't.  So after all this, we will know 100% what's up in there.

Now, I am taking Ultram for my back pain which I requested from my ortho because I didn't want to be on high narcotics like the percocet anymore.  Well, a side effect of the Ultram I noticed after my seizure was: seizures.  More common with ultram than other pain pills.  WTF? I thought it barely had any narcotics in it, at least that was what I was told and why I switched in the first place.  Also, it says: seizure risk is increased in those with metabolic disorders. Now fancy that! Guess what PCOS is? A metabolic disorder. And, no one's caught this? Just me?  I know I am my own advocate for my health and I will undoubtedly look farther into anything than a Dr will for me personally but this crap was in no way difficult to find.  In no way.  Maybe 3-5 minutes of searching.  And, while on the subject of that apparently seizures are common in PCOSers, or at least not uncommon.  As are heart problems? Fantastic.

So, no driving for 3 months.  I'm halfway through that now, so another month and a half.  But, that's only if I'm seizure free for the next couple months.  Apparently, every 3 months (3, 6, and 12ish) you go seizure free the more likely it was a fluke thing, which also isn't uncommon for people between 25-35 years old.  This is also pending they find no reason why I had it upon further inspection of my ol' brain and the MRI results.

Oh, and the Keppra?  It's making me insane.

Hope all is well with you all, Happy Monday? Yeah *&^% today. [purely a side effect of this ****-ass drug Keppra.  I'm severely unmotivated and couldn't care less about anything. I can't wait to get off this crap!!]

But seriously, I do hope you're all doing well.  I will tend to my little corner of the blogosphere more often than I have been.  <3

i love this blog AWARD!!

Wow!! How cool am I? Apparently, one person thinks I'm just about as neat as I think she is!! A fellow PCOSer and fellow PCOSesque blogger (check her out here !!) awarded me a nifty little award called: I Love This Blog Award (dang, that's a lot of 'award' mentioned in a short amount of space)!!  I'm so very honored, surprised and totally excited! So thank you so, so much! :)

I went back and forth and back and forth again, flip-flopping on what sort of blog I wanted in the beginning.  I'm glad I chose to (typically) write about PCOS and it's crappy way of trying to take over your life.  I, too (like the girl who awarded me) find some kind of solstice in the fact that we are a strong network of not so out of the ordinary girls, and even though I haven't met a lot of people who read this blog it still makes me feel good to know there are other PCOSers out there reading my writing (silly as it may be) and maybe feeling a bit better about their own situation or at least relating to mine! When first started checking out PCOS online I came across a message board called SoulCysters.  First off, it's a damn cute name.  But I really liked the implication of sister. It makes me feel so much stronger.

So this is how the award works:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award.
2.  Share 7 things about yourself.
3.  Award some recently discovered bloggers that are deserving.
4.  Contact those bloggers and let them know about the award!

7 things about ME:

1.  When I put lotion on my arms, I can't just rub it around until it's absorbed.  I hardly have any arm hair, but the hair that is there can't be swirled around haphazardly.  It has to lay down, and in the same direction. OCD, I suppose? :\
2.  I've never owned an automatic vehicle and it scares me to think of driving one.  I screech around corners because I'm not used to braking heavily (normally, I'd just downshift!)
3.  I sometimes have conversations with my dog when no one is home?
4.  I love to knit, but I know only one stitch, can't 'finish off' a row, and have no idea how to make anything.
5.  After watching karate/hand to hand combat movies--either in the theater or home--I tend to feel slightly empowered after watching it.  Like I somehow just learned some gnarly kung fu and could actually put it to use.  I usually throw a few mock punches at whoever I'm with in the theater (i.e: Sebastian) and he admittedly has the same problem of feeling much cooler than he is after watching these movies.  So, we joke around and kick and punch out way out of the theater and into the car: but really... we feel uber cool when we do it.
6.  Something that makes me more excited than it should: the idea of being able to spend an enormous amount of money (limitless!!) on restocking my entire kitchen.  And remodeling it so it can hold way too much in the way of gadgets and food, glorious food! Not packaged things, but a goal of mine is to be able to make anything.. literally anything.. and not have to go to the store and buy 95% of the meal.  I want tubs of different grains and flours.. the works.  It makes me smile and brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.
7.  Damn, 7 things aint easy.. that's for sure.  Not sure if this qualifies but, I thoroughly enjoy my coffee (and tea for that matter) with cream and sugar and black.  It flip flops each day.  I personally don't think it's odd at all, but other than the hubby I've never met anyone that enjoyed both equally.  You're usually one or the other, apparently.

Well.. this shall conclude my Sunday morning post!! Thanks again for reading, and thank you for the award!!! I feel like a star....

;) 

fertile myrtles everywhere!

This post title was brought on by a fellow PCOS blogger bud's recent post... it's true, too.  Maybe it's a bit like buying a new car.  I bet you never noticed so many of whatever you drive--until after you'd bought it..

 Being faced with fertility issues, I think it's almost instinctual to notice all the pregnant people from you group of close friends, extended friends on ol' Facebook, to strangers on the street.  You want to scowl and maybe throw something at them.  At least I find I do sometimes.  Maybe even run up and kick them (lightly?) in the shins and storm off.  As if it's somehow someone else's fault I have difficulty conceiving.  I know it's irrational, and for the most part I am genuinely happy for those that are currently pregnant or new parents.  I suppose I'm just jealous that I'm not.

I know I shouldn't feel the way I do and that's why I don't say anything (or kick strangers in the shins).  I mentioned on a post (on that same PCOS blogger bud's recent post) earlier that at work this week I had said my stomach hurt and I was just really tired, when a co-worker asked how I was.  There were three people there and one said 'Oh! You must be pregnant!' the second said 'Yeah! You've been married a while.. you should be pregnant!!' the third agreed.  My jaw almost hit the floor. How rude, I thought.  But, was it really? I mean.. I would never say anything like that to anyone. Just not knowing their situation, from situations like mine to maybe just not wanting children.  I can also safely say that even before I knew I had PCOS, I never said things like that.  Maybe my feelings on it have deepened a bit, but even still.. I never pried into personal subjects like that with people, especially people I hardly know. And when I say 'co-workers'.. I mean people I rarely see and/or interact with. Of course I didn't say anything, because I clearly knew they didn't do it maliciously.. but I do wish people would have more sensitivity when talking about things like that.  Half of me wanted to be blatantly honest and laugh and say, 'Oh no.. that's nearly impossible.  I can't have children without assisted reproduction and an endocrinologist.  Besides, I had a miscarriage in December.. so we can't start a cycle until my body recovers from that!' Oy vey.  I just wish people would think sometimes, yanno?

On that note.. that's pretty much it around here.  I know I've said it a million times, but I'm saying it again: I will be on my second month of BC pills since the MC.. starting Thursday.  I will have to get a refill in a couple months, I think.  I want to take time off (a) to see WTF is going on with the store, (b) to give my body 'time' to recover from the MC and to really get used to the Metformin (which should reduce my MC rate dramatically: to that of a 'normal' woman), and (c) I want to lose as much weight as I can.. even if I don't need to lose a ton.  I can't really gain more than 15 pounds when I get pregnant, and I have not... and I mean NOT been on a low carb 'diet.' At all! And I'm supposed to be watching carbs/sugar.  So, I need to get that whole thing on track.. pronto.  I would think about 5 months out from here would be the best time to try again.  My body would be in sync with my PCOS pills, I could lose 25-30 pounds and really work on a lower carb and sugar lifestyle to safeguard against gestational diabetes.  Ugh. No bueno..


Well kiddos.. that's it for now.  I hope this post finds all of you happy and healthy. Ciao!

life updates!

Since we're not TTC and I'm pretty much over everything baby related (for the time being)--I haven't blogged much.  But, TTC isn't the only thing going on worth blogging about in my life, right? So what gives? Well, as we all know and we're all sick of hearing (myself included), store drama has left my mind, my wits and my patience pretty much fried.  I will have to go over my last post about the store but if my memory serves me well (it rarely does), I'm sure that I went over everything again... in great detail.  So, my mom and DH keep asking 'have you heard anything?' in regards to the store and of course the answer is, as always: No. Nothing. Nada.  I finally caved and late last week I wrote a letter to M (the owner of the rehab facility)--a very well written letter, at that.  And I don't mean my writing style or grammar, I mean it was so tactfully written and re-written that it seems innocent enough of a letter.  Basically, again as I'm sure I've mentioned, the current loser owner of the store (R) has been stringing me along (duh) for months and what R has said of M has been less than credible in my eyes mostly just because R instills zero confidence in me and I trust nothing he says or does.  So! In an effort to get this shit over and done with and get R to get the eff out of my store, I wrote a letter to M that hinted at things and some bullet points of what I would do if/when the store was mine.  I never once mentioned R's name or how he runs (or doesn't run in this case) the store.  I  never once mentioned anything negative.  In fact, the whole letter was completely positive and went on to say that  I was very excited to be considered for the role of the store owner in the (*rehab name*) family.  Oh, and btw.. I know it's terribly annoying and ridiculous that I have to abbreviate everyone's name in regards to the rehab and can't technically even say the name of the actual facility.  I just want to make doubly sure that everything remains quiet, since it is AA, NA, etc.. and I can't legally call anyone out.  Plus, there is enough drama (BELIEVE ME)--I don't need to make it worse by having my blog pop up when someone types in M's rehab establishment.  Yeah, that would be a disaster.  I was planning on C&P'ing the letter I wrote, but there are so many literal references to the place and all that mumbo jumbo, that I think it best to just throw out a couple paragraphs:

'.. I have plans for the ____ store.  They aren't overly drastic, but they are changes that I feel would be beneficial if implemented in the future of the store.  I plan to open the store regularly from morning to night--with the exception of being closed during the clients' meetings/groups as required by ____ regulations.   With daily hours in place, I feel the clients would be able to depend on the store and would be more apt to shop in-house as opposed to having family bring the things we already sell at the store.  Along with more guarenteed hours, I think it would be in the store's best interest to offer more merchandise in general.  From shampoos, deoferant and shower shoes to more of a variety in foodstuffs (granolas, fruits, frozen foods, etc).  I also plan on lowering the prices to accomodate all budgets so that it's not only more convenient to shop the ____ Store, it's also more economical.  I think with the price reduction, the store's overall business would increase and we would make up profits in volume.  It's a small detail, but I would also like to make flyers with the stores hours, all of my contact information (or business card attached), other store details such as products offered, special order request guidlines and things of the like to give to new clients so they know what to expect and can take advantage of the store's offerings.  Another small detail often overlooked would be a comment box.  ____ clients are our only customers.  They need to be happy and feel their suggestions, opinions and comments are heard.  There is always room for improvement and plenty of things we hadn't thought of carrying in the store before.  Who better to ask than those that are spending their time and money in the store?'

Another paragraph... then the closing paragraph:

'... I want nothing more than for your decision of who runs the store in the future to be an easy one for you and your family, one that you feel confident in with no regrets.  If I've left anything out that would help make this decision easier on you, or you simply have a few questions for me, please don't hesitate to call or visit me in the store!

Best,

(name, address, numbers, email)

first excerpt de-coded:
 The store is currently opened very, and I do mean very randomly.  Typically, like you all know, 2 hours total a day.  12-1 and again from 5-6.  Considering also that they have lunch from 12-1230 and dinner from 5-530 that leaves them 30 minutes, 2x a day to shop.  Brilliant!  I should also add that this is very, very unusual.  The store used to be open with all previous owners (and even R up until the past 6 months) 3x a day for at least 3 hours at a time.  At least.  So, first point goes to me, for stating REGULAR business hours that would also be posted (they are currently not posted at all) in a flyer which would hold the store accountable for those posted hours.
My statement of '... I feel the clients would be able to depend on the store...' is a huge deal, too.  The word on the streets (aka, the rehab) is the clients hate, hate, haaaate the store.  At a time that they are truly in need of some stability (and let's face it, a constant supply of cigarettes, ice cream and candy).. they have none.  Stability is a huge deal in this strange little field.  So we have guaranteed hours: check.  The variety of food is also key, since I've seen M waltz into the store and stare blankly at the empty shelves and comment on how there was no variety, how he was diabetic and couldn't eat any of this 'crap.'  So, I was sneaky and threw in the variety of food. Ha!
And lastly... the prices.  Ohhhh, the prices.  Since I've been there (5 months or so), cigarettes have gone from $7 a pack (at the time, he paid $4 including tax per pack) to $8.75 a pack (he now pays just under $5 a pack, including tax).  A cup of noodles is $1.50. You know, the ones that are quite literally ten cents at the grocery store? Yeah.. $1.50. Sodas are $1 which doesn't seem terrible until you realize the vending machines at the Center are all .75 a soda.  Candy is typically $1 and it's .75 in the vending machine.  So, usually the clients will come in and take their money off the books (you can't really carry $$ on you there, so they keep it in the safe in the office or on the store 'books') and go buy crap out of the machines because it's cheaper.  How stupid! Why are we competing with vending machines? We'd make a killing if we were just the same price-wise and open daily.  But I digress. The comment box bit is because R has blatantly refused to carry what people request--even if plenty of people request the same thing.  He hates listening to the clients and calls the 'whiney' all... the... time.  Which is awful, IMO. The contact info bit is because no matter who calls, R never answers his phone.  In fact, in the rehab directory--my name has recently replaced his.  A detail M would never know, but still makes me feel good.. unless I'm called at 11:00p because R was supposed to work (told me to take the day off)... and didn't show up. Which has happened twice in the past week.

I'll wrap this up!

second excerpt de-coded
Of course I have asked around about M, since he's so elusive.  And of course, I've asked only the few people that I trust and that have been there since the center opened.  M is a typical man (sorry boys) and likes to feel he is calling the shots even if he isn't.  He is big on family (in fact, it's family owned and mostly family in all the key positions).  So that was my reasoning with the statement on making the decision on him and his family easy and making sure it's the right one.  Lastly, the whole purpose behind the letter was to let him know that the preverbial ball was in his court.  Which, according to R... that's the hangup.  M wanted to wait until after the new year to talk about the store.  I personally think that sounds absurd.  If someone doesn't want to be there (R) and you have someone willing, ready and chomping at the bit to make the store better than ever before, why would you wait? Plus, remember when I said M came in that day 2-3 weeks ago and said 'Welcome aboard! Great to have you... I just need to see your business license and then we're good to go.'??? So yeah.. I think my letter rocks.  I'm expecting and half-hoping for him to call or stop by and say 'I got your letter... and thank you.  It helped me get to know you a bit better and to see your goals on paper... But, I thought it was already decided and I was just waiting on your business license?..'

And then I could look confused and go on about how R had said that M wanted to wait, etc etc.  Mwahahha---ha.

At least that's what's going on in my head. Let's see if it pans out.  I gave the letter to M or to M's assistant on Friday, which I know.. I know.. was New Years Eve.  I knew he wasn't there.  Nor would he be there over the weekend, and since the man has little to no schedule over there.. who the eff knows when he'll even get the letter.  Or if he will, depending on how long it sits around in that office with inquiring minds lurking about. But! I will be following up with him on Friday, even if it means I have to call and make an appointment.

Sorry so long.. maybe if I wrote more often.. they wouldn't have to be so painfully long and hard to get through.. ;)

store crap.

So today was painful. As I know you're sick of hearing, I've had it up to here with this buying the store, not buying the store mumbo jumbo from the current owner.  I gave them a deadline of this Friday with a meeting we were scheduling for today.  He came in to get a list of supplies to go buy before he went to the store.. and he brought up the sale of the store right then and there. Which caught me off guard as I figured he'd want his wife there, too.

Anyway--his words, and I quote, 'Hey.. regarding the store: it's a go. As in, like, today.. or tomorrow. I'm ready. I just need to talk to _______ (the owner of the facility, we will call him M from now on).'  I'm sure my brows rose and my eyes widened.  I replied with a 'Sure.. sounds great..' because as always, I'm not letting his words get my hopes up when his words are meaningless to me these days.

No sooner had I finished my sentence, and he was on his way out the door saying he'd be right back after talking with M.  I think I audibly uttered a 'wow...'  At the same time, my skepticism of him got the best of me while he was gone all of 15 minutes.  'Yeah, right.. ' I thought.  'He's just outside smoking a cigarette... I know it.. what a douche.' In the minutes he was gone talking with M, I was thinking about how I was going to tell him that once we sit down with M, however brief, go over rent and my ownership of the store, have R (current owner) sign some informal paperwork---then the money would exchange hands from myself to R.

When he returned, he said it had gone well.  That he had told M he just couldn't swing a profit with the store because he was out of town, had other business to attend to and couldn't pay someone to be here all the time (yours truly), and that he had decided it was time to move on.  Apparently, M had agreed and said that he just needed to see my business license (which is fine, and to be expected) and we could go from there.  Still doubtful, I just nodded, smiled and said 'Great!'  And low and behold, who comes bounding into the store, breathless and bug eyed as he usually scampers by daily? M...!? He says, 'Hey.. yeah, so R talked to me and said you're going to be taking over the store here soon and I just wanted to let you know we talked, everything is great and we're glad to have you,' while extending a hand for that business deal sealing man-thing.  'I just need to see your business license.'

Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit. No kidding? Wow. I must've looked stunned.  I shook his hand, and said 'Yes, of course.. I will get that to you ASAP.. Thank you very much! I'm so excited to be here and to be a part of the team.'  With that, he was gone and back to his cave of an office.  Now I was convinced.  I called the hubby and mom.

BUT.. oh yes.. there's always a big, fat BUT(T) somewhere in the saga of this store buying nonsense, isn't there?

When I get back at 3:30p for the second shift, R is there finishing up delivering the supplies.  I say hi.  He says.. 'Yeah.. so I got an email from M's sister..' So? Why would I care? I didn't say this, but I thought it. He says, 'All it said was: We need to talk. I will call you tomorrow.'  Fantastic... who is this sister?  Either way.. she doesn't sound thrilled about something. R proceeds to tell me about how the sister is somewhat of a silent partner in the business and when he first started the store in his name, he had an 'interview' with M and then the final interview (clearly the approval interview; the one that counts) with the sister. Super.

I will wrap this up quick like.  Even though R and myself have been talking about this for months, literally months, today was the first day he mentioned it to M.  So believe me, I do understand the apprehension.  And, if the sister is a big part in the decision making process I can also understand her frustration with both M and R on not being included in the decision.  After all, I've never even met the woman.  Who also happens to be a prominent LA attorney.  In the papers, in books.. the whole bit.  So naturally, she wants to know everything about me and my intentions with this place: All understandable. Does this make me any less pissed the ____ off? Um.. no. Because, no matter how you look at this I've been jerked back and forth countless times and I'm sick and tired of the bullshit to be frank.  All of this falls on R as far as I'm concerned.  He should have taken the initiative and spoken to M the second he told me he was interested in selling and that he was selling to me (3 months ago), so that this wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone involved.  I know M and his sister are very selective with staff and therefor with the store owner as well, but I also know that M knows me well enough as I have been there 7 days a week for the past 4 months, give or take. So if they're 'okay' with the sale, there is no doubt they are 'okay' with me since they have had nothing but compliments in regards to me.  So he's told me. That's a huge plus.  It's just this sister that I'm nervous about.  M had the administrator call R later in the day (because M has no balls, apparently) to tell R that this was all a lot to take in and that M had jumped the gun on approving the whole thing, but not involving his sister and that after the holidays we would revisit the sale and go from there.

*$#!@*&^!!! Am I right?! Maaan.  I suppose I'll stick it out.  It's silly not to.  And in the meantime, it's not like I'm not getting paid to be there and I honestly enjoy helping the clients and the interaction with them. It's really them I'm there for.  And maybe myself, indirectly.  I can't tell you how many people have come into the store to talk to me, unload their problems and seek my advice.  And a few girls that come in crying because they know I'll give them a hug and tell them everything will work itself out just fine.  And it will.  I love the feeling of making a difference, no matter how small.. in a person's life.  It's very rewarding work and it helps me appreciate my life and those in it even more.

On that note.. positive vibes, people. Positive sell-me-your-friggen-store-vibes.  Send 'em my way.

next cycle.

It was strange.  I hadn't felt like we lost anything until my Dr appointment.  My Dr came in in do initiate my date with 'Wandy' (thanks, BtB!) but first wanted to say she was sorry for our loss and that it's hard to know why we lose pregnancies and so on.  I hadn't really referred to the miscarriage as a loss.  I'm not entirely sure why, either.  Probably because I knew it was a possibility, maybe even that it was likely it wasn't going to pan out the way we wanted.  Maybe I was just being a little clinical like I'm known for in all aspects.  I'm just to scientific and factual when it comes to things.  I wish I weren't, but I am.

Anyway.  I thought I was going to cry when she started with the sad faces, touching my knee sweetly, and melancholy tone of 'loss.'  Thankfully, the pregnancy hormones had subsided by then.  Otherwise I would have been bawling, or screaming.. or who knows, maybe even angry!  With this PCOS thing for me personally, I don't have an excess of testosterone more so a lack of any estrogen and female hormones.  Which would explain my lifelong calm demeanor and my 'even' attitude--for the most part.  Basically, I'm not at all used to my emotions getting the best of me or even having a bearing on how I act like I feel.  It's been hell with the birth control pills, too.  I'm actually getting a period, so I'm actually getting outwardly emotional.  I guess I feel like a real girl, which is kind of scary.  Sometimes I wonder if Sebastian will get freaked out and run away! ;)

Well, I think that's about it for today.  Oh! Wait.. actually, I forgot to say what the title of this post implies.  What's happening for the next cycle.  Like I've mentioned a million times (or at least 2 or 3), we are planning on waiting closer to the 6 month mark to try again.  My Dr said to give it 2 months on BC pills and to wait for my period the next month, so essentially: 3 months from now.  And this round we are supposed to do a fertility injection meds 'booster' shot before I start my Clomid in hopes to produce more than 1 egg.  The only thing that scares me a little (okay, more like.. scares me to death) is the fact we did get pregnant our first cycle with the Clomid alone, it was just unsuccessful.  You only need one egg, and we only had the one and it was fertilized.  What happens if we have 3 or 5 mature eggs? I know that broadens our chances, but from the looks of this cycle, I'm the PCOSer that just doesn't ovulate, I seem to have no problems at least getting pregnant (tidbit: 1 in 5 normal pregnancies result in miscarriage.  PCOS brings it to 3.  I'm on metformin so that lowers my risk to that of a normal woman, 1 in 5).

I cannot have triplets.


Period.  It can't happen.  I don't want triplets--at all.  Then again, who does?  The twins--I know this is a possibility, and I think I can do the twins.. it will be a struggle, no doubt.  But I think I can manage that.  I really want 1.  But, I suppose that's idealistic.  I'm thinking of telling her when the time comes that I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of having 5 mature eggs when the 1 was fertilized last cycle.  What if all 5 are? Just kill me. I can't even think of that.

So what do you guys think? Like I've said, I trust my Dr completely.  If she thinks this is the way we'll have a successful pregnancy, then I think so as well.  I just have a gut feeling that we should try once more with just the Clomid and see where it takes us.  The same thing could happen, just get one egg and there could be something wrong with that egg like this last one... but, if it did happen the next cycle (another MC) and she said that the more eggs we have, the more chances they will survive--I would do the injections.  I just feel like the clomid worked, my egg didn't.. not the drugs.  And if my chances of having 2930824 babies is lower with just the Clomid--I think I like that.

Thoughts?

ultrasound 12-7..

So I called Dr Chen this morning and they said to nix the blood work (thank goodness) but that I should come in tomorrow morning at 8:30 because she wants to do a urine pregnancy test and to do an ultrasound to make sure there's nothing there.

A transvaginal ultrasound sounds faaaantastic right about now. Ha..

I will keep you posted.  I am sure everything is alright.  Fingers crossed that everything is on its way out and I won't need a DnC.  That sounds much worse than the freaking ultrasound.  Oh, and I need to start on those glorious birth control pills, Apri when this period-thing is over.

On a brighter note, I found a carton of Marlboro Lights in the cupboard at work which means I don't need to go buy cigarettes for at least a few days... for the store, not me.  Nothing is worse than working a store in a rehab when you're out of cigarettes, let me tell you!! Wa-hoo! One less trip I have to make on my daily 60 miles of driving.  You know you're getting frustrated with where you work when you start counting miles that you drive each day.  Mind you, it's not like I work 30 miles from my house.  No, I work 12 miles from home.  But as I mentioned in a rant post a week or so ago, I go into work twice a day, so 24 miles there and back--twice.  That's 48. And another 12 for taking Sebastian to work and back home in the mornings.  We really need another car.  This time next year we should have had a new car for a few months.  I really want that Cadillac SRX Crossover or a CTS wagon, but we'll see.  We decided a while ago that we wanted a new Volvo XC90 (the SUV) or Subaru Forester 2.5XT Touring edition/Outback Limited edition. So who knows.  It could change in the next few months, too. ;]

Hope everyone has a splendid week! Update manana!